Software
by candieclouds
Summary: That night he brought me home three mangas, a Japanese flag, and a pc game. It was called Chrysanthemum Crusade, and the object of the game was to get the main character through the mazes and to the other side of the white sea so he could be safe. Video Game AU. AmeriPan
1. Chapter 1

There was _never_ a day of school I enjoyed.

I was constantly bullied whether it was because of my appearance, the pitch of my voice (I was twelve, mind you), or the way I dressed (like the human versions of the superheroes in my comic books did, I hoped if I followed a similar wardrobe I would wake up one morning and magically be able to shoot webs from my wrists), there was always a reason that I would be taunted by my peers for, some that even I wasn't aware of. I didn't classify any of my mannerisms as quirks like they all did, and I was left to cry alone in my room after school trying to force my 'quirks' out of me, despite the fact that they were the only things I found solace in.

My mother was an absentee, and my father was hopeless drunk since the day she left when I was five. She left because my father's parents died and didn't leave him any bit of their fortune in the will, something my mother desired. She fell off the face of the Earth and left my dad and I in our tiny two bedroom apartment to rot.

Dad wasn't all bad, he really wasn't- he tried his best to make sure I had my three meals a day, and school supplies, clothes... and eventually electronics and all of the video games I could desire. But he lacked seriously in the affection department. He probably told me he loved me once on a drunken occasion, but aside from that he barely told me 'hello'. I was left alone to seek that fatherly figure through people made up like Clark Kent or Peter Parker, having my face two centimeters away from a comic book every second of every day. I never paid attention in school- I only sat there and doodled my own made up super heroes- based off of my dad. I called him the _Eye brows_, with a batman kind of background and a superman physique. I would show him the panels I made and he'd chuckle and ruffle my hair for a brief moment before he went back to his liquor.

I started asking for things for my laptop that would enable me to colour the pictures and print them out into real comic books in fourth grade, and I guess that's where my addiction to electronics began. I was obsessed with being in front of that computer screen, and when I was away at school I would do anything I could to get out and get back to it- just drawing or listening to music and sometimes playing PC games. I probably faked a tummy ache every day for three straight weeks before someone finally caught on and I wasn't allowed to visit the nurse's office anymore.

I was smart as a kid- I really was. With the web at my fingertips I could search up anything I wanted to know, and I when I had my IQ tested my first day in middle school my principal recommended I skip a grade so that I could be academically challenged. Naturally I declined- if I had more work to do that meant less computer time and it wasn't something I was willing to risk. When I said no though, my dad offered me online school.

We had a really long talk that night at McDonald's- my favourite place to be ever. The fact that it had wifi was a plus too, and I remembered sipping milkshakes and listening to music as dad talked to me about my troubles with school. I told them about how every kid that ever looked my way said something rude, how all of my teachers hated me (my third period teacher called me a _sarcastic fuck_ during the middle of my book report once, dad wasn't happy about that at all), and I told him how much I loved my computer.

"I just want you to be happy, Alfred." he said, smiling at me and nodding. "If online school will do that, then by all means."

And my face lit up so bright, I had the biggest smile and the widest eyes! And my dad laughed.

"I love you, son."

"I love you, too..."

I didn't know that this was just setting him up to drift further away from me.

I started taking my online classes the very next day- at a ninth grade level. I took English and algebra, geography, and also a language I'd been dying to learn- Japanese. I loved mangas so much. I started buying those instead of comic books altogether at one point and I fell in love with them. Just because of my curiosity about how I was supposed to read mangas from right to left, I stayed up for nearly six hours learning about the culture and history of Japan, both back in the day and modern times. My new obsession.

My dad noticed my love for Japan instantaneously (cause he checked my grades online when he was at work and noticed I had a one hundred percent in Japanese), and that night he brought me home three mangas, a Japanese flag, and a pc game. It was called _Chrysanthemum Crusade, _and the object of the game was to get the main character through the mazes and to the other side side of the white sea so he could be safe. The protagonist of the game was named Kiku, and he appeared as a short boy with black hair and big brown eyes, who wore this weird Tron-esque suit with a red dot in the middle of it, carrying a gigantic gun with him everywhere he went that was bigger than he was. The villains of the game were just called the faceless creatures, and you had to enter a certain code so Kiku could have a blind fold and be protected from their powers. If Kiku ever looked at one straight on, he would become one of them and you'd have to play the whole level over again.

I was drawn to this game immediately. I smiled and thanked my dad, took all of my stuff to my room, and popped it into the side of my laptop to start.

The screen faded in pixel by pixel, flashes of green and red grazing the screen all the while, and the logo of the game in bold white Kanji with a red sun in the background. With what little Japanese I could read, I clicked what looked like the start button, so anxious to finally play it! But none of the instructions were in English and I spent like ten minutes translating the first set word for word, understanding the basics at last.

_Guide **Honda Kiku** through the maze using the arrow keys. Press C+C+G in case of a faceless being attack. Use the spacebar to fire the gun.  
P to pause.  
R to resume. _

_H for help. _

But I missed something really important in the left corner of the screen that made me pissed off.

_Press VH for audio assistance. _

"Are you kidding me." I muttered to myself, throwing my Japanese to English dictionary across the room and sighing. I grabbed a hold of the mouse and hovered over the button, putting in my ear phones before I finally clicked it.

The menu disappeared and left the pixelated background, Kiku walking slowly across the screen and looking up at me with a smile.

"Ohayo gozaimasu." he said, his voice monotonous and robotic sounding despite the bright smile on his face. He put his hands behind his back and looked at me eagerly, tilting his head to the side at my stunned expression. It was like it wasn't a recording and he was just sitting in the screen staring at me. I was so freaked out I almost called for my dad, but I held my batman toy close to my chest and nodded anyways, Kiku frowning.

"Hello." I said sheepishly after a while, and he hummed in excitement when I finally said something. I scooted further away from the screen in fear, but he went on without noticing.

"Ah, English speaker. Hello." he gave a little wave and sat cross legged on the bottom of the screen, setting his gun at his side. "What can I help you with?"

He spoke with such a relaxed air to his tone, despite the fact that it was synthetic. I wondered if he would still understand what I was saying though if I didn't respond with simple commands, like I was talking to a regular person. I let go of the mouse and let my hands fall into my lap, biting my lip before I thought of what to say.

"Uhm, I figured out the instructions already...? But I was wondering what the 'VH' stood for, y'know?"

I waited for the sound of "your question is not in our database" or something like that, but instead Kiku put his hand over his mouth and giggled softly.

"It stands for voice help, and that's why I'm talking with you." he said, crossing his arms in his lap just like I was doing. "What is your name, player?"

_Woa._

"I-I'm Alfred."

"It's nice to meet you, Alfred-san. I look forward to playing my game with you."

"Wh-what... are you? How do you understand me?" I couldn't help but ask. It was astounding how life like that little program was! He understood everything I said clearly, and he had that smile of his- it was adorable, and human like. It was too real.

"I am Kiku. Would you like to begin?"

"I-..." I stammered, so confused by it all. Why wouldn't he say anything besides his name about himself. I wanted to know more, I decided that I should just play the game. Maybe it had a more detailed story line in game play. "Yes."

"Alright. Let's go." and with that Kiku turned until his back was facing me, holding his gun with such purpose. His face appeared like another camera in the corner of the screen and he looked so dead set on destroying whatever came his way- but he was so cute I couldn't help but laugh.

**Level One: Sapporo **

Appeared across the screen, then faded as the maze came up. Blocks were as far as the eye could see, with this eerie tune playing in the background.

"Hey what's that noise?" I asked, hastily situating myself infront of the screen and hovering my fingers over the keyboard.

"The Noberu are close, Alfred-san. That is the sound they make." Kiku said, his picture in the corner of the screen motioning downward. I followed his gaze to the up arrow key and pressed it, wandering a bit before we reached a cross road.

"Which way?"

"Whichever you think is safest."

"I don't want you to die though!"

"I will try my best not to, but I'll require your assistance."

I nodded simply and took the right side, coming across a little koi pond and a cherry blossom tree. Kiku laughed happily.

**Check point reached. Attack avoided. **

"Sweet!" I said, spinning around in my chair in victory. Kiku's cheeks went a little red and he giggled again, dangling his feet over the edge of the pond and making eye contact with me. I froze just looking into his eyes.

"Would you like to auto save?" he asked to break the silence, resting his hands at either side of him and leaning back. He looked upward and straight at me, and I could see his face through both cams. My cheeks went a little red, too, just cause he was_ really _easy on the eyes for a program.

"Yeah of course!" I exclaimed, watching as the screen came up to load the autosave.

_Please do not shut down during save._

"What would you like to name your save game, Alfred-san?" Kiku asked, lying on the ground and letting his eyelids droop shut.

"Uhhmmmm. Just name it Kiku. Cause that's your name."

He nodded and closed his eyes entirely, humming softly.

_Game saved. Advancing to level two._


	2. Chapter 2

I felt as though I was in good hands with new player, called Alfred. He played my game very frequently and took into consideration each level, very carefully. He would sometimes ask me to load the bird's eye view of the level and he would plan out his every route so he wouldn't be risking my safety. On the rare occasion he did make a wrong turn and we were faced with an attack, he entered the code to give me protection against the monsters and aimed with precision. I never missed a shot, and the longest we were in peril ordinarily was two or three minutes.

My game was one that not every person his age could play. It was very long and detailed, and if you weren't careful you could spend weeks upon weeks on the same level. The only time he ever had a problem with advancing to the next stage was when he made two wrong turns and went into a different town entirely.

I watched as Alfred spun around in his chair and doodled our escape path, sitting patiently near the check point. At that stage we were in Tokyo and I was sitting in a tree, looking at the makeshift scenery of my game. It was like a single tree, with grass spanning only five feet ahead before it faded away into the blank black tiles. It sometimes scared me to think about what it would be like to wander off into it and ignore my duties to respond to what Alfred ordered, like what I did when the game disk was idle and sitting on the shelves of the store my game was bought from.

What Alfred failed to realize at first was that I am aware I am a program.

I am the only one of my kind, that can touch and feel.

I have a heart beat, I sweat, I breath the air around me. I somehow detached myself from the programming, the computers and I shoved away all of the robotic commands that were hurled my way. I was my own self-aware being and an independent intelligence. While others thought of the wires and pixels were their guide, I thought of them as nothing more than training wheels, and I took them off as soon as I realized who I was.

It is the reason that I consider myself the only real Honda Kiku. The others are simply bad copies.

I realized the other selfs were no more independent than a human infant one day, when the game disk was idle, and I would listen to their chatter in other game disks. They could not speak the way I could. They only spoke with very basic words and couldn't think for themselves. They recited only what they were programmed to, over and over again with no emotion and a cold drone to their voices.

It was unsettling!

Before Alfred played me, I had horrible depression and such an intense feeling of loneliness because none of them were like me. I was surrounded my hopeless infant zombies!

When I saw Alfred's face, something that was real human flesh and wasn't a computer animation or a zombie repeating commands, I felt _safe_. The feelings of being alone were forgotten at the sound of his voice and I became very attached to my human friend. He spoke just like me. He looked around my age, too, and his voice was so lively and cheery and exploding with all of the feelings he felt. I hung on his every word, putting my shelf life behind me.

"Hey Kiku," he began suddenly, and I turned to him with a smile on my face. He was very bubbly and you could tell just by looking at him- it made me happy as well. His fair complexion and unnatural eye colour were a joy to look at, and I found it hard when he was away from me with sleep or when he was focusing on his studies to cope without it. I never left my spot while he was away for fear I would displease him and not get to see his smile the next game session. "What do you think happens if you ever die?"

The question shook me up and brought me out of my memories. I didn't know if I could give him a proper summary of what dying in the game would be like because I was frightened, and I also didn't know if he was the type of person that would want to find out for himself. The idea of my human companion causing intentional harm to my being was horrifying.

I curled into a ball on the tree ledge and bit my lip as I thought of an explanation, hearing his gentle humming and the turning of pages in his note pad, along with my heart beat. When we were silent I could hear Alfred's beating as well, and it made me excited to know they weren't different. It was _everything_ to have someone like me.

"As you know the game would reset to level one, depending on if you reached the halfway check point." I began at last, looking up at him and being greeted with the same smile as was there before. It made me feel safe even though in this game I was constantly being watched by the villains and could die at any moment if Alfred wasn't so cautious with me. "A-and I would be in terrible pain for a minute, as the game reset itself."

"How can you feel pain if you're just a program though? How do you _feel_...?" he asked, and it made me feel horrible. I turned away from him, growing more and more uncomfortable with the conversation, but it was like he couldn't tell and he kept on talking about it. "What's it like to be like that?"

"Uh-uhm I..." I stammered, feeling like what walls there were in this world were closing in on me, and my chest was going to collapse. He spoke like I was one of my copies.

_What's it like to be like **that**_

I wanted to cry and I did.

I didn't say anything for a few moments, and it caused Alfred to open up the second screen to look at my face in puzzlement.

"Wh-why are you crying, Kiku? How- I mean, what's wrong?" he blurted out loudly into the mic, which led directly to my ears, and I cringed in pain. He moved his face closer to the screen with a worried expression, but I couldn't bring myself to respond. "Kiku please..."

"I-" I began, forcing myself to look at Alfred. I didn't want him to bring up dying any longer, so I said the first thing that came to my mind. "It's nearing your sleeping time... p-please..."

"Please what, Keeks? I'll do what you say."

"Please..." I said between my heaving, wiping at my eyes. "K-keep the monitor on, so I can see you as you sleep."

His jaw dropped at this request, which was understandable. I didn't expect him to obey me, but I knew it was outrageous and he wouldn't bring up the previous subject matter. I could see his cheeks go pink, and then his brows furrow, most likely imagining what it would be like. It was odd to be asked if someone could watch you while you slept!

"Okay, I will."

I wasn't expecting him to say yes. If anything I expected him to turn the monitor off and leave me alone. I was half in shock, half relieved that I didn't have to spend another night without the comforting sound of his heart beat.

He smiled at me, still blushing, holding his stuffed bat toy close.

"If it will make you happy..." he said, laughing and scratching his head. I didn't smile however, and it made him even more confused than he was originally.

"Thank you Alfred-kun." I whispered, looking up at him. He nodded slowly in response and removed his glasses from his face.

"Maybe we can talk tomorrow." he said, and I shivered a little as I watched him stand from the chair and crawl into his bed without removing his head set. "You know, about that stuff I asked earlier? But right now since you just want to see me, I want to hear you."

"N-nani...?" I jumped off of the tree and abandoned my weapons, taking off my head gear and crawling to the bottom of the screen. It was dark in the room and it was difficult to see him from the angle where I was, and the fact that his desk chair was blocking most of him from my view. I think he picked up on that, because he rolled over and curled up in his blankets facing my direction. "B-but my voice is just-"

"I want to hear your voice. I don't care what you say. I just like the sound of it."

"It's synthetic-"

"I don't care. I love it because it's your's."

"Alfred-kun, I-"

"Hmm... that's good." he whispered into the mic, and I could see him shut his eyes softly. "Keep talking."

I was so stunned and I had so many questions that I had no problem doing so. I spoke with him until he became non responsive, his grip on his doll falling loose and soft snoring coming from him. I watched him with intent.


	3. Chapter 3

I rolled over once or twice, and jumped out of my sleep to hear Kiku sigh sadly that he couldn't see me anymore. I would sit up for a second and get a sip of water or something, just looking at the bewildered expression on his face and smiling before I laid back down and urged him to continue talking. At first he bombarded me with questions, but when he realized I wasn't going to give him proper answers he gave up. He told me a story about a little boy who was born in a peach and a rabbit from the moon, goblins taking over mountains in Japan... his voice was weird and artificial yes- but it was soothing in a way. It was smooth- like nothing I'd ever heard before and it lulled me right back to sleep.

Days went by and I slept like that every night; with the head piece on and listening to Kiku's voice. I was so addicted to the gentle calming sound that I eventually gave up asking him questions about how he felt and such.

Not to mention I played that freaking game every day. It got to a point where I neglected my online classes entirely and all I ever wanted to do was get back to the game and go through the mazes with Kiku. When dad would call me downstairs for dinner I would be cranky because I was away from him and inhaled my food in less than three minutes so I could resume. Dad was getting annoyed with it, but instead of confronting me about my slipping grades and bratty attitude he just drowned himself in beer and cigars.

I felt a little guilty that I was disappointing him, but I also felt angry that he didn't live up to my expectations of being that _super hero Arthur Kirkland_ I made my comics about.

He was no hero at all; he was just a lonely drunk who didn't know how to handle his kid and worked a double everyday so he could avoid his problems with me at home. I had no respect for him whatsoever after two weeks of him doing _nothing_ about me.

It just got on my nerves so much that my dad sat around and wasted his life away like that. I went up to him one night and told him I loved him, and he barely gave me a nod in response, and I ran to my room bawling my eyes out and refused to tell Kiku what was wrong until the next day.

I used Kiku as my escape after that. I told him about my comics and how my _Eye Brows_ series had been on a hiatus for some time now, and he told me that I should continue to write it. He said I should write about how I felt toward dad in the comics and leave them laying around the house for him to see, and that maybe then he would finally get the message. I considered taking his advice, but since I was so obsessed with him and the game and that intense hatred for my dad was brewing in my chest, I didn't get around to it. My schedule was literally wake up, play game, eat, shower, play game, and sleep for almost four months.

I weighed less than ninety pounds at age twelve and five foot two. Dad didn't care to help, but Kiku was _constantly_ nagging me to go outside and play and to eat extra helpings at breakfast. He sometimes refused to talk to me until I went outside and did something for at least an hour, or sometimes he would threaten to jump in front of one of the faceless monsters and die if I didn't eat. I would leave my bedroom window open and go play on my tire swing in the back yard, or eat at my computer desk so he could see me.

Everything was running routinely like that until one night when I was rolling around in my sleep I fell on the floor.

Kiku _freaked out _when I flopped out of the bed, which I probably did because I was having one of those crazy running dreams. Apparently I just groaned and stayed like that, face flat against the wood of the floor, blanket abandoned on my bed and the head piece snapped in half. He tried calling for me but I was knocked out again, and he started sobbing because he thought that I had died.

Eventually I woke up and saw him, shaking in terror with his eyes wide.

"A-Alfred!"

I didn't know what was going on, but I knew I had to do something about it because he looked so distressed. It was weird trying to comfort a little person in my computer, but I did my best and climbed into my rolling chair, gliding my finger across the screen.

"It's okay dude! I'm here, see!"

"Alfred-kun you could have broken your back! You're so thin and your bones are weak!" he screeched, cupping a hand over his mouth. I turned the volume down first, because without the head piece his voice just echoed through the house for all to hear and I didn't need my dad waking up scolding me for having my computer on so late. Secondly I tapped the screen again and smiled, making him cry even more because I _"had black circles under my eyes."_

I shook my head and looked around my room, standing to make sure my door was locked before I went back to the screen. My heart was racing as I thought about it, but I closed my eyes and placed a quick kiss on the webcam, pulling away with an intense feeling of stupidity. Kiku just gawked at me and jerked away, putting his arms at his side and staring at his feet. I just shrugged and took a sip of my water to get the dry choked up feeling out of my throat.

"The fall isn't far enough." I explained as I put the cup back down on my desk, relaxing in the chair and trying to stop blushing, but I couldn't! He was so cute- all worried like that just because I was a dork and flung myself onto the ground in my sleep. Plus it was flattering to know he cared about me so much...! Sitting there with my stomach in knots and my palms sweaty, pondering how scared he was for me made me realize that Kiku was way more than just a video game character to me. He was the only friend I had.

He was the only thing that loved me and he was close to my heart. I decided then I never wanted to scare him again.

"B-but-" he stammered, looking back up at me in exasperation.

"I'm fine, Keeks. I wouldn't lie to you!" I said, showing him my arms. "Not even a scratch."

He nodded after a moment of silence, looking at me with this pain in his eyes. It was unbearable! He looked _so _devastated, like I'd just killed his entire family or something, and it made my heart hurt as corny as it sounds. I tapped the screen again, biting my lip and wanting to say something, but I didn't want to make him anymore upset than he already was.

After about three minutes of being able to hear nothing but his sniffling, he wiped his eyes and stood up, walking back in my direction and putting his hand against the cam. I smiled and kissed it without thinking, making his whole body (or atleast the parts of is body that weren't being engulfed by his armour) went red.

Kiku didn't pull away that time.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, forming his hands into fists.

"I don't know why I can feel." he stated out of the blue, and I was taken aback that he picked now to answer a question I asked him so long ago. "I have no idea, but I can and..."

I nodded slowly for him to carry on, but he blushed even more deeply and shook his head ferociously.

"What am I thinking!?"

"N-no! Tell me! You have to tell me now I'm curious!" I said, putting my hands on my hips and pouting.

"B-but-"

"_Kiku._" I said, putting my glasses on to further prove that I wasn't going back to sleep until he came out with it. "Tell me."

"Alfred-kun-" he said pathetically, looking like he was gonna fall to his knees and beg me to forget about it. There was no way I was gonna go for that- I wanted to know! He'd never kept a secret from me before and he wasn't about to start then if I had a say in it.

"No,_ Kiku-kun._" I spat back with slight irritation in my voice. "Tell me now."

He sighed deeply.

"I love you, Alfred."


	4. Chapter 4

I was shocked I allowed myself to confess.

Alfred was giving me one of those looks however, that said he wasn't going to change his mind about his orders. It was my purpose to obey them.

Added to the pressure I felt by my companion's whining, I felt a nagging in my own mind that told me I needed to confess. My heart agreed and said it was the right time, and my lips moved without my consent. He seemed just as astonished by my declaration as I was.

"K-Kiku..." he began, tears welling up in his eyes. I didn't mean to scare him or make him uncomfortable but it appeared as though I'd done just that and I should have known better...

"I'm sorry." it was all I could say, I was so overwhelmed with emotion. I was only used to having a bit of feelings a day- small doses here and there caused by little things (like the way that one bundle of hair atop his head stuck up, or the way he shivered when something frightened him- oh, I couldn't forget those cute noises he made while he was sleeping-!), so that experience made me flabbergasted. I averted my gaze to my shuffling feet and silently punished myself for bringing this kind of burden onto him.

"Don't...!" he exclaimed eventually, wiping away his tears and pressing his nose up to the screen. "I love** you**!_ I love you_!" he squealed, shutting his eyes tightly and biting his lip.

My heart skipped beats and there was a fluttering in my stomach, which I was assumed was abnormal for my situation and I panicked. I thought love was supposed to come easily and run smoothly. I bit my lip and refused to make eyes contact with him still, putting my hands at my side to occupy my mind from the growing guilt in my gut.

I was just a program after all, how could any human in the right mind be so foolish as to fall for _me_- an insignificant being left to wander around in a cyberspace hell for the duration of his lifetime.

Alfred is an intelligent man. He is truthful and wise, and even then (when he was just a child), he was brilliant and would have thought of these consequences beforehand. I had been in love with Alfred since he started playing my game and I'm sure he picked up on it- he just didn't want to say so and make me feel silly. I was so blinded by own feelings I failed to pick up on his...

I'm sure he was aware that we would never truly be able to be together. Even if he played my game forever there would come a point surely where he would be tired of not being able to touch me or feel me. You can only be in love with something like me for so long until I become boring and I feared it would happen quickly! Alfred-kun has always been extremely affectionate and flamboyant about his emotions, and you can only be so affectionate with a laptop monitor...

"Kiku~!" he said, dragging me out of my thoughts and back to his reality, staring into his bright eyes. So lively and full of cheer, while mine are dark and filled with nothing but emptiness... he completes me...

"A-Alfred..." I spluttered, wanting so desperately at that moment to wrap my arms around him and kiss him that I was frustrated with the fact I couldn't! I furrowed my brows in anger and clenched my fists, wanting to fire my gun at the screen, like maybe if I did it would shatter it to pieces and allow me to jump into his grasp.

That thought- just so impossible and outlandish as it was- made me want to kill myself.

_**Why** does it have to be impossible!?_

"I'm sorry..."

"S-sorry for what dude!? This is perfect!" he went on, ignoring the look of despair in my eyes and letting his hair fall into his own to hide how excited he was (which didn't work- it was much too evident by his bobbing up and down and the kicking his feet back and forth with a purpose under his desk that shook the screen). "I-I-I...!" so happy and charming... _adorable_. "I-I mean... I've sorta had like a crush on you. And I felt dumb cause like- well you know... but now I don't feel that way anymore! We can be together~!"

I accepted the fact that we actually_ couldn't _be together in that moment. I could wait forever, while ordinary beings moved on. I didn't want to hold him back for even one second when it came to that; moving on. It was what he was made to do- to go through his life, and I was made to obey his orders until he no longer wished to give them. It was my duty to let him go. He could never have a happy life if he was dragging me and my equipment around with him everywhere (just his sleeping with the head piece on every night made me feel incredibly guilty).

"Alfred-kun, we can't." I choked out, covering my eyes.

He froze instantly, his face falling. All of his motion ceased and the colour drained from his skin. Even the little bundle on his head fell limp.

"B-but I thought y-you loved m-me... l-like _love_ love me... am I wrong...?" he said, wrapping his arms around himself and looking very nauseous. "I'm- wow I feel stupid..." he sniffled, turning away from the screen in his chair until his back was facing me.

"No! I do love you in a romantic way!" I spat, wishing I could reach through the screen and make him look at me. I just needed him to listen but he was tuning me out and crying softly to himself instead. I wished I had more power over him. "But it is not possible for us to physically be together, Alfred-kun."

He stopped his sniffling for a moment or so before he turned around with an expression that made me feel inferior to him. Just by the way the edges of his mouth were moving I knew he was about to go off on a tangent and explain to me why this either didn't matter or was irrelevant to me loving him.

"I. Don't. Care. I don't care. I don't care I don't care I don't care!" he said slowly at first, but soon grew louder and more clear in his annoyance. I had a feeling he would have this sort of reaction.

"But you _will_ care-"

"Don't tell me how I'm going to be. No one can predict the future."

"But I'm simply going with the most plausible outcome- what will happen when you're older and interested in being involved with other people? People you can-"

He turned around and cupped his hands over his ears, rocking back and forth in the chair, signaling that I should stop talking. I crossed my arms and fell into a sitting stance, forcing myself to stay quiet so he would face me again. If it were up to me I would have replaced that stupid rolling chair with a bar stool.

He came back around and looked at me quizzically, raising a brow at my pouting, tapping his fingertips against his desktop waiting for me to say something. He knew I was eager to say more by the way my lips twitched and it was like he was using his hurt feelings to provoke me and make an even bigger fool out of myself than I'd already had!

"Look," he started when I refused to fall victim to his traps. "All I want is to be with you, Kiku, you're... my safe place. And you always make me happy. Whenever I get to play the game with you and talk to you I feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be. A screen between us isn't going to change how I feel about you and it can't take that feeling away."

It was as though he were trying to make my heart melt and make me give into his charm!

"As romantic as that sounds we have to think realistically." I spat out on key, doing so as quickly as I could so he wouldn't interrupt me. I was blushing like a maniac however, and I'm sure it wasn't very convincing. My heart was racing so- I was light headed and I had to lean against the wall behind me to stay stable. He takes my breath away with the simplest things...

"Kiku, you're a talking video game character who is also in love with me I think_ realistically_ was something abandoned a long time ago." he replied flatly, watching me squirm underneath his intense gaze.

"I'm sorry. But we cannot be together. I won't allow myself to be so selfish."

"Well _I'm_ selfish then. I want you. We're together now, you got that?"

"Alfred, you never listen to me!"

"So we agree on something then~"

I was just so stunned, although I really shouldn't have been because Alfred was like that normally. I should have expected him to reflect everything I said and love me back anyways, (it's in his nature) but for whatever reason I couldn't grasp it that time. I felt almost unworthy of having such a devoted player for my game, and the fact that our love was mutual was too much for me. I was just a character and suddenly I was having the world given to me. He made me feel like I wasn't just a program after all.

"Hello...?" he asked, and I shot my gaze up at him. I didn't feel like hiding how flushed my face was or how I couldn't stand straight or think clearly.

"I want you to be happy..."

"And I'm only happy when I'm with you."

"So I suppose that means if you want to be-"

"I'm glad we understand each other, Keeks."

Despite my guilt and emotion stress on my mind and heart I felt giddy. I was overjoyed that Alfred and I were something more...

**A/N: It's not over yet but I want to tell all of my followers, favouriters, and reviewers how much I appreciate it and I love you all ;U; This story was originally a one shot but now I'm really into it XD**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: _Extreme fluff_ ahead, proceed with caution. .^. **

I woke up on the morning of my thirteenth birthday about two weeks after Kiku told me he loved me, rolling around and stretching before I fell on the floor again, for the thousandth time. I looked up and felt around on my nightstand for my glasses, slowly adjusting the one them bridge of my nose until my vision became clear and looked at the laptop on my desk a few feet away.

Kiku was sound asleep at the bottom of the screen, curled up into a little ball and snoring lightly.

I smiled and walked over to the computer, kissing the screen before I darted off to the kitchen to eat breakfast. Dad usually bought my cake the night before and left it out for me to eat in the morning before he left for work, but he hadn't done so that time. Instead he just left a note on the refrigerator that said "_We're going out tonight to celebrate_" and "_If you skip your classes today I'm going to throw you, love dad_.".

I rolled my eyes and reached into the cupboard for some pancake mix, deciding I didn't feel like eating cereal that morning because it was a special occasion. It felt good to finally be a teenager, plus I didn't have the heart to just wake Kiku up because he looked so cute and peaceful and I needed something to occupy my time that wasn't school related as I waited for him to come to. I turned on the stove and got out the flour, mixing it in with milk, sugar, and eggs and waiting for the pan to heat up when I heard a squeaking noise coming from my bed room.

I walked back down the hall shivering at the coldness of the hardwood floors on my bare feet, opening my bedroom door to be greeted by Kiku pouting on the screen and staring at my empty bed. He looked at me and smiled faintly, waiting till I sat down at the computer to say something.

"Good morning." he said quietly, hugging his knees to his chest and blushing brightly. I giggled and I could feel my face heat up, too, as I hovered the cursor over his nose. He shook his head and laughed cause I guess it tickled him, shooing it away and sneezing. Still laughing, I opened the drop down menu and clicked on a towel in our inventory (which I had to unlock in stage ten), handing it to him with the mouse. He stared at it with a funny look for a few seconds before he nodded at me and wiped his nose.

"Arigatou." he whispered, tossing it to the side. It disappeared and went back in the inventory (which I thought was the coolest thing ever). I nodded back and rested my chin on my hand, gazing at him fondly in a sort of daze, and he looked back at me the exact same way. "Aishiteru."

"Aishiteru." I repeated, closing my eyes tightly and biting my lip. I love it when he tells me he loves me now so back then when he said it I just melted into a puddle of goop under the desk every time. Kiku sighed dreamily at me and tilted his head to the side, and I felt like I was just gonna explode cause he was so cute, like I had to look away or something or I'd just squeal unreasonably loudly! I did turn away, but he sighed again and kept looking at me (which I could see out of the corner of my eye). I was about to tell him to stop it when I heard a loud popping noise from in the kitchen and panicked. "A-ah, I'll be back in a sec, baby."

Kiku looked like he fell backward with my last glance at him before I ran into the kitchen again.

I guess one thing I inherited from my dad was his lack of an attention span in the kitchen, but I definitely wasn't as bad at cooking as he was. The pan was smoking cause I accidentally left the edge of the cardboard box the flour was in too close to the burner and it caught on fire a little bit. I just got the fire extinguisher from underneath the kitchen sink (which I knew how to use cause we had to frequently whenever dad decided to cook instead of just order Chinese) and put it out with no problem, but I could tell since the smoke had spread all throughout the house that Kiku was probably flipping a shit worrying about me. I put the extinguisher away and turned off the stove burner, not really thinking about how hungry I was cause I just wanted to get back to the game and play with Kiku.

I cleaned up my mess and put the bowl of batter in the refrigerator, bracing myself for Kiku's lecture about being careful while cooking.

He was shaking in fear, but looked relieved that I was okay. I picked up my sketchbook and waved it around to clear the smoke from my room, closing the door when I felt I'd adequately done so.

"Alfred-kun, what-"

"It's nothing Keeks." I said absently, noticing something about my room was off. My closet door was open, and it was like chock full of clothes and other stuff that weren't there the night before. Kiku followed my gaze to the closet and chuckled softly.

"Your father came in while you were sleeping." he said, and I hopped over to my closet and dug through the massive amount of presents he'd gotten me. I was touched that I had so many new clothes, because a few months prior to that he took me shopping but hadn't gotten paid yet and couldn't get anything. From the looks of it, he went back and bought everything I tried on. "Why didn't you tell me it was your birthday, anata?"

He sounded hurt, so I turned to him and stood up, holding the new Batman pj's I wanted really badly in my arms.

"I didn't think about it. I'm sorry, babe." I said, taking my pants and shirt off to try on my new clothes. He gasped in shock and immediately covered his eyes, shaking his head.

"W-WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ALFRED-KUN?" he screeched, looking like he was about to fall down _again_. I blinked and stood there without putting on my clothes for a minute trying to figure out what all the commotion. He made a space between his fingers to peak through and cringed when he saw I was still half naked. "P-PLEASE CLOTHE YOURSELF!"

"Why are you-" I started, a little offended. I was his boyfriend after all so I didn't see what the big deal was. I rolled my eyes and slipped my pants on, making him sigh in relief.

"Th-thank you..." he murmured, taking a deep breath and trying to regain his composure. I decided just to throw him off I was gonna leave the shirt off, and I crawled back into the computer chair and smirked at him.

"What was that all about?" I asked, making him stand with the arrow keys. "Wanna play some levels?"

Kiku nodded, thinking about the question and just going blood red throughout his whole body. I shrugged and clicked the drop down menu, continuing from the checkpoint we left off at last. As the levels progressed the game got so difficult that I'd been on level twenty for almost two whole days (which was a very long time for me). I was paranoid about accidentally killing Kiku before, and now I was afraid to move forward without buying him a shit ton of armour and extra life first. I had him in so many shields and a bullet proof vest, along with a helmet that was bigger than him, that he couldn't walk as fast as he used to and he sometimes lost energy just trying to lug it all around. I felt bad at first but I decided he was better this way. If he died he would come back, but he said it was painful and just like a human dying and I had a feeling if he did I'd probably want to die, too, so we could share the pain.

We both froze after a minute or two when the sound of the faceless beings was getting louder, and I braced myself to have to deal with a mini heart attack as we fought them off.

"Close your eyes, Keeks."

"Yes, Alfred-kun." he whimpered, doing so as I entered the cheat and the blind fold appeared over his eyes. I aimed the gun at the first one I saw, which was like less that a foot away from Kiku and made me want to scream in anger. I wished I could just jump into the game and kill them all myself, but this would have to do. It flew back against a tree and disappeared, but the attack was still on and a mob of Noberu were closing in on him. I was a little worried because they were moving so fast I didn't know which one to kill first!

Kiku was stoic and still though, and even though he had the blindfold on he looked at me and smiled reassuringly.

"I trust you, koibito."

Well that didn't make me feel any better at all. Then I was ten thousand times more worried and I fired off at one just as it was about to touch him. I was so terrified of one of them touching him that I just started spinning him around in circles and firing at random, closing my eyes and hoping for the best.

Eventually I didn't hear the humming anymore and waited, not daring to open my eyes.

"Oof." came along with a thud, and it sounded like Kiku.

**Attack survived. Auto saving. **

"Oh thank god." I groaned, opening my eyes and watching Kiku nearly roll around on the ground in exhaustion, the blindfold disappearing. He sighed loudly and lay stomach first on the ground, letting his head fall. I felt horrible that I fell into the trap so easily and move the cursor over his head. "I'm sorry Kiku."

"No, it's fine Alfred-kun." he whispered in a sign song tone, curling up on the ground again. I reached into our inventory once the save was complete and handed him one of the little glowing heart icons, which he used to regain his strength. He stood up and we started down the pathways again, running into a lot of twists and turns and some puzzle to complete until we finally beat the level at around three o'clock.

When we were at the check point and I was playing around with Kiku by picking him up the cursor and placing him in the tree, he frowned in sadness and looking at me.

"You should eat, Alfred." he said quietly as he nibbled on an orange he got from the tree. And smiled at him and laid my head on the desk, kicking my feet back and forth underneath.

"Nah my dad's taking me out to dinner later." and then I thought about it for a second. I didn't want to leave the house and be away from Kiku on my birthday... I guess I was just gonna have to tell dad I didn't want to go. I minimized the game screen and pulled up some of my classes, hearing Kiku gasp when I did. I pulled up the extra cam in the righthand corner of the screen and gave him a little wink as I started my algebra test. Dad would be pisses if I didn't at least do something. Kiku looked down and saw what I was doing, so he didn't say much, he just kept eating his orange and humming cutely. It wouldn't have been distracting if he wasn't always so adorable!

I finally finished a half hour later, and leaned back in my chair when randomly I got an email from my dad. I pulled it up and read it, Kiku looking at it uneasily, probably thinking I'd be mad if he read it but I just enlarged the font hoping that would tell him I didn't care.

_Al, good job on your test. Get dressed I'll be home in fifteen._

_-Dad_

I wanted to tell him I didn't want to go after all but he signed out as soon as I marked it as read. Kiku and I sat silently for a while before I X'd everything out but the game and relaxed in my chair again.

"I'm sorry for reading that, but perhaps you should do as he said so you won't upset him, dear."

"Don't call me dear it makes us sound like an old married couple." I said playfully, watching him laugh back in embarrassment.

"What do I call you? Darling?"

"I like darling but then it makes you sound like you're my grandma."

"Sweetie?"

"My Aunts call me that!"

"Well you're very difficult to please here, angel."

"Angel? I'm your angel?" he had me blushing then, but I was still just messing around with him. I smirked and curved my fingers, putting them behind my head like devil horns and sticking my tongue out at him. He did the same thing and giggled.

"Yes, you're my angel, Alfred-kun." he was being serious then, and he looked at me with a straight face. "And I love you very much." he added with a soothing tone of voice, blowing me a kiss and winking.

"I-..." I spat, looking down and messing with my fingers in my lap, at a loss for words. I meant more to him than I thought I did. "You're my... baby..." I said while simultaneously breathing in, taking off my glasses and wiping the sweat from my forehead. He was just _beaming_ up at me, a little heart popping up above his head. I laughed and licked my lips cause they were so dry, pointing to it. "Aw is that for me?"

"Nani...?" he looked up at where I was pointing and cupped a hand over his mouth, looking mortified. "Oh... sorry."

"Why should you be sorry?" I cooed, kissing the cam in the corner, a bit longer than I usually did. It used to make me feel like a total loser, but then I did it so often I didn't care, and no one was every around to see it anyways. Kiku sighed happily and looked like he was kissing me back, and I stayed latched to the screen longer I was curious what he was kissing exactly (I had the screen but what did he have...? Still baffles me now and he won't say so).

Randomly my dad came in the room cause I guess I failed to hear the car pulling up in the drive way, and I flew backward in my chair praying silently that I did it soon enough.

_Oh my god did he really just see me do that?_

"Son, I think we've got to have a talk." he said with no hesitation, and from what I could see from the ground Kiku squeaked a gentle _sorry _before he made the cam go away and minimized the game screen. Dad stared down at me like I was mentally ill or something and knelt down, pulling me back up with him and dusting the dirt from the floor off of my butt like I was five years old again. I hastily took off my sock and threw it at the webcam while dad wasn't looking so Kiku couldn't see it, put my hands behind my back, and began to whistle. He shot me a very judgmental glare.

"Alfred what on Earth were you doing to that screen?" he asked, putting his hands on his hips. "Why aren't you dressed? You got my email, didn't you?" he shook his head and walked to my closet, pulling out a white tux I'd never seen before in my life. "Here put this on." he said, tossing it to me and reaching into his pocket. I opened my mouth to speak but he tossed a box onto the tux in my arms, and I gawked down at it.

An iphone.

I could download the game onto the iphone.

I felt like I was gonna cry I was so happy, and I just nodded and started putting on the outfit. Dad smiled and kissed my forehead after he helped me tie my tie.

"Happy birthday."

"Thanks so much..." I choked out, resisting the urge to hug him. He didn't particularly like to be hugged by me, or anyone for that matter. He ruffled my hair and padded down the hallway, and I assumed that meant he was gonna give me sometime to play with the new gift.

I turned it on and pulled the game screen back up again, Kiku way far back in the corner of the screen rocking back and forth in the fetal position. I looked up at the cam and noticed the sock fell off. He was probably to spooked cause he saw me naked again and because he was still freaked out that my dad saw us kissing. I just pulled his forward with the cursor and kissed him again shamelessly, showing him the phone.

"Now I take you with me places." I said happily, but he said nothing in response. I chuckled to myself and plugged the phone in to the side of my computer so it could charge, starting the game download and putting some pictures and stories and stuff to look at on there too while I waited. "_Baby_~" I sang after a while, shaking the mouse to get his attention. Without looking up he said and I quote;

"_Who doesn't wear underwear?_"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Thanks to ma Bella for helping me pick which way I wanted to go with this story. Just warning you from here on out dis shit gon get cray**

Alfred was pacing the room while he downloaded various programs onto his new cellphone. I was a little confused by it and I mistook it for him being impatient, hacking into the other programs and moving them along more quickly, but he realized what I was doing and scolded me for it.

"I _need_ it to take a while, but thank you." he said, pointing his finger in my direction and leaning over his desk. The red tie he was wearing hung loose and the edge of it was draped over the keyboard, and I looked as it as he went on, feeling embarrassed. "I really really _really_ don't want to go with Arthur."

I looked away from the tie temporarily to see Alfred's prominent frown.

"Why? Aren't you hungry?" I asked, trying not to sound worried. He hadn't eaten anything at all since yesterday afternoon, but he detested when I nagged him about it.

"Well yeah but I don't want to go with him. I hate being places with him... I can hardly stand it when he's home as it is."

I never really came to terms with just how much Alfred hated his father I suppose. Having no parents of my own I guess I didn't want him to have a bad one. I always had this strong feeling inside that parents are absolutely perfect, and loving and caring... but Arthur was just the opposite of it all. I remembered once Alfred started crying talking about it; how Arthur thinks he can buy Alfred's affection, and I didn't want to believe it. The only thing I could thank him for was buying Alfred my game. If it weren't for him we would have never met.

"I have to pretend to be sick or something..."

I nodded, biting my lips and sitting cross legged on the ground. He sat down in his desk chair as well, looking disgruntled at his door which stood ajar and practically twitching every time he heard his father's footsteps.

He unbuttoned the blazer of his tux and I blushed and turned away out of instinct, even though it seemed to annoy him when I became flustered by his nudity. I will _never_ understand that.

"What should I do...?" he asked, removing the coat and putting it behind his chair. He paused for a moment, which made me close my mouth and forget my response. "I'll be right back."

I nodded and watched him run out of the room, waiting patiently from my spot on the ground. I thought about everything when the silence turned into an irritating ringing in my ears, laying back on the ground. I was at the point that I was so sick of being in the game I wanted to fire my gun at those stupid artificial trees and let them collapse onto me. I wanted to be out in Alfred's world with him taking in the oxygen of real_ living_ plants, and as a silent form of protest I took a deep breath and clamped my mouth shut. I would see how long I could go without breathing, and what would happen if I did.

Alfred was taking an unusually long time to return from whatever he was doing, but if I listened closely I could hear him sometimes pass by, mutter something, and then start off down the hallway to complete his task again. When he did it for the third time I got a little suspicious and sat up, making eye contact with him for a moment before he turned away. I wanted to say something, but a cherry blossom fell on top of my head and I flinched from shock, breathing in and becoming angry with myself. The petals ignored my rebellion and kept falling in a steady pattern like that until I was surrounded by them completely.

I looked up and shook the petals from my hair, watching them fall at a more rapid pace suddenly. The trees above were in a sort of canopy and bits of 'sunlight' shone through them.

Standing up and walking toward the tree, I didn't take my eyes off of those beams. I knew what lay above was probably nothing but more pixels, but deep down inside of me I wanted it to be a sun. I dug my fingers into the spaces of the bark on the tree and set off climbing, glancing back at where I was sitting earlier and seeing a small circle in the mound of cherry blossoms. I climbed for what felt like forever, all the while my heart was in my throat begging for that sun. I bet the light is something that ordinary humans take for granted. How I longed for the warmth and very real shine of the star... but it was strange. Like just by imagining it I could feel it in a way.

I stood on the highest branch there was, reaching up and moving smaller ones out of my way to be greeted with a pink sky. But upon further inspection it spanned just a few feet more until it faded into nothingness. There was no sun after all.

The sadness I felt about that discovery was indescribable, and my heart started beating so quickly all of a sudden. I grew dizzy and flopped down onto the tree branch, clinging to the tree trunk to maintain my balance as I regained my strength to climb down.

As I sat on the branch and dangled my feet over the edge, my shoes fell off and landed on the ground. I kicked my bare feet back and forth, shivering at the breeze that went by then and suddenly feeling very cold. I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned back against the trunk of the tree, still shivering, my teeth clicking together and my heart still skipping beats.

I forgot about the devastation I was feeling prior to that. I was soaking wet but clearly I hadn't been near water! Water was seeping through the spaces between my toes and falling to the ground, just as the blossoms did; so rapidly that within moments my shoes were slightly afloat in a puddle. I couldn't hear anything but what sounded like waves and I tasted salt on my tongue. I opened my eyes and it was like there was a cloudy film over them, and what's worse I just... started hearing voices... it was more strange than the waves themselves.

They were people calling my name. They sounded so terrified and breathless, and all I could do was listen to their strained voices and hear them muffled by the chaotic waves. I was so frozen, so scared...

Was I losing my mind?

"_Kiku-chan!"_ they called desperately, all at once, at least three people calling my name as if begging for my attention._ "Someone go get him!" _it was as real as if Alfred were sitting at his desk and screaming at me at the top of his lungs.

It was so frightening I resisted the urge to cry. When I tried to speak back to the voices, water would pour from my mouth. I was shaking and I felt like nothing could pull me out of this psychotic episode when suddenly I heard the voices of Alfred and his father, and the tones of the stranger's disappeared in that ocean that overtook my body. I listened intently to this outlet from my emotions, using my shirt collar to wipe the water from my chin.

"Well_ fuck you_, then!"

"You ungrateful little prick! I gave up my life for you and this is the thanks I get?"

I couldn't make out everything they were saying but it made me scramble to grab a hold of the branch so I wouldn't fall again. I was very high up and I feared if I looked down the mysterious water would still be under me... so I stayed there, salt water dripping into my eyes and making me have to shut them tightly to avoid the stinging sensation it would bring.

"I wish- never-"

"-you were nothing but a bloody mistake!"

"-you just kill me, then!"

"If it weren't illegal-"

"JUST KILL ME I KNOW THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT!"

I heard a shriek, and a thud, and the slamming of a door. Shortly after soft cries came from the direction of Alfred's door and I knew what had happened.

"Alfred!" I whispered, almost unable to hear his cries anymore because my own were so thunderous. I was shaken by everything; the water, the voices, Alfred... it made me feel so vulnerable and utterly useless that I couldn't do anything about any of it! The only thing I was capable of doing were obeying orders and fighting off fictional video game villains...

Soon enough he came into the room, looking emotionless. He was entirely broken.

He had blood seeping from the left side of his face, sticking the hair to his pale cheeks. His glasses had a shatter or two in them, and a little piece of broken glass had lodged itself into Alfred's chin, probably when he made contact with the floor.

"Don't worry about me, Kiku." he said, crawling into the desk chair and looking at me from the trees. He grabbed me with the mouse and brought me down gently, away from the abandoned shoes and the strange water and more towards him. I shivered looking into his eyes. They had no life in them anymore. "Please calm down."

I tried to halt my panic by thinking of something happier, closing my eyes and thinking of that feeling of sun I'd always dreamed of. I felt it in my skin and through my whole body, like someone had their arms wrapped around me and we were standing in the middle of a desert. It should have been uncomfortable but it was exactly what needed.

Alfred removed his glasses and winced in pain as he took the chunk of glass out of his chin.

"I'll have to tape those back, then."

"W-w-won't you need to s-s-see?"

"Nah, I only need them to read."

I wasn't sure if I needed to feel pity for him, or if he wanted to pour put his emotions on me or something, so I just mindlessly responded to everything he was saying and didn't bring up the beating. I decided I would wait until he wanted to talk about it, at the risk of seeming inconsiderate.

"Kiku can I be honest with you?"

I paused. I closed my eyes again and inhaled deeply before I opened them and nodded.

"I want to kill myself."

I genuinely didn't have a response to this. It was startling. To want to commit suicide one must have a intense self loathing but in the time I'd known him he showed no signs of it. All I knew was his carefree and bubbly side. I was entirely unaware there was more to him until that point.

He looked so stoic and still, having great posture as he sat there. He was silent, staring at my horrified eyes with dead ones.

"Go to sleep."

"What?" that got his attention. I didn't know what I was trying to do, or what possessed me to say such a thing but I did.

"Go to sleep." I repeated, looking down at my feet.

He didn't protest. He trailed off into his bed and curled himself up in the sheets. I watched him until I was sure he had fallen asleep, and then it was my turn to worriedly pace back and forth through my area as I though of how to handle this. I fell asleep on the ground eventually, pressing my curled up body to the screen for dear life because I was afraid water waves would engulf me if I didn't.

I heard a sweet tune as I stepped across the pathway. There were little red stones that made a trail on the forest floor, and I followed it. It wasn't often that I had dreams but when I did they were very real, so I didn't question it.

The tune got louder as I hopped across the stones, and I looked down at myself when I stumbled over one and I was trying to get my balance back. I was wearing a plain white kimono. I didn't think I owned one...

Finally I cam across a little lake in the middle this forest scene, just walking right up to it without fear. I should have been afraid but I guess my fear of large bodies of water doesn't dig deep into my self conscience.

I was about to look down into the water when suddenly the tune stopped, and I shot around and saw Alfred standing there. I decided then that I liked that dream.

He walked over to me slowly and we both reach for each other in unison, pressing our palms together. I decided it was my imagination playing tricks on me. I'd never felt another human hand before but Alfred's was warm and slightly damp, pink coloured flesh and the occasional tear or crease from fiddling with his paper no doubt. It must have been the way I perceive him.

He said nothing, but laced our fingers together. I looked down at the pond finally, not seeing either of our reflections. But what I did see after a while was a small body, just bobbing up and down. And held Alfred's hand more tightly out of fear, and he was shaking as well, pulling me into an uneasy embrace and resting his head on my neck. I held him lovingly and looked down into the water still, waiting for the body to turn over.

It never did.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/n: Heyho this is Belle thanking again to my readers. Sorry if how the story is going is something you don't appreciate ;-; But I'm here to say I might have to change the rating to 'mature' in later chapters for some sensitive subject matter. I apologize in advance. Also this is probably the most crucial chapter so pay attention or you'll be confused later! XD**

It happened to quickly to remember in detail, but the thing I couldn't forget about that fight with dad was when he hit me. He had never hit me before. He always told me he didn't believe smacking the dumb out of your kid actually worked but he sure thought otherwise when he slammed the book he was reading shut and whacked me upside the head with it. I was super small and weak so I went flying and slid a good few feet across the floor, landing on my left side and getting multiple gashes into it. Laying there the blood pooled around me and Arthur just stared, looking back and forth between me and his hands.

He ran out of the house crying and saying "_I'm so sorry_" over and over again. I forgave him instantly.

It was true what he said; I ruined his life. He was seventeen when I was conceived and he got stuck raising me because my mom was tired of trying to make it work. They both had to give up college and become adults and parents too quickly just for me and she didn't like that. My grandparents supported them financially up until they died and she bolted out of the door the moment she heard they had no money left to give. They'd spent it all on helping them raise me.

My dad slowly started to become more like a big brother than a father during his mid twenties when I was about seven years old. He lost motivation to be a good parent because he had no wife or parents to encourage him to do better. He started dropping me off at daycares or forcing me to join clubs at school so he could go out drinking after work and wallow in his own self pity. I can't blame him for it; I'd probably do the same. And in a way I thank him for making sure he wasn't around while he was having one of his little freak outs. I'd be even more of a fuck up if he didn't pay attention to those tiny details.

I used to blame Arthur for everything up until I was ten. Then I started blaming myself.

I wished I was ever born. I had dreams almost every night of how much happier he'd be if I wasn't. I sometimes got the idea in my head that my grandparents would still be alive (which is far fetched because they both died of old age), and that my parents would still be together (also way out there because they were never in love, they were just together for sex I think). Once Arthur was getting me ready for a bath when I was little and I just flopped down into the water and tried to drown myself. That was the last time he ever really showed how much he loved me.

He yanked me out and wrapped me in a towel, sobbing hysterically, holding me so tightly I could hardly breath and calling me poppet.

"_Well yes, honey, you were accidental. But you're a wonderful accident_." he whispered to me, rubbing our noses together and trying to stop crying. I used the edge of my towel to dry off his eyes, but that made him cry more, and he pinched my cheeks.

"_I'm sorry I was born daddy. I just want you to be happy_."

"_**You **__make me happy, love_. _You're the best thing I've ever made and I thank mummy everyday for giving you to me_."

He dried me off and held me the whole night.

We got Chinese food and watched Spiderman cartoons until we were sleepy and he carried me off to bed with him. He held me close, telling me stories about all the fun things he used to do with my grandfather when he was my age. He fell asleep telling his own stories but I was still wide awake, and I looked at the little notepad on his bedside table and the pencil, his stories fresh in my mind about how much his dad loved art and taught him how to draw. I crawled over Arthur and retrieved the pencil and paper, drawing my very first sketch of _Eye Brows _saving little kids from drowning at the beach.

How we went from that to "_fuck you_" and "_you were a mistake_" is beyond me. Laying there on the floor it was like all of that was pointless and I started to hyperventilate, bawling my eyes out and feeling my arms and legs fall asleep as I did. I felt like he didn't love me or think I was his poppet anymore and that tore me to pieces.

After I had my freak out I stood up dizzily and wobbled to the bathroom. I was going to do it finally and he wouldn't be there to save me that time. I hovered my hands over the handle of the bathtub ready to run the water and meet my fate at last when I heard Kiku call my name. I tried to ignore it! I didn't want anything stopping me from dying. I felt like it was my time to go. All my life I'd just been a waste of space- that sarcastic fuck that all my teachers hated and the nerdy comic book boy the other students loved to pick on.

It annoyed me sometimes that Kiku thought so highly of me. I'm just a piece of shit but he treats me like royalty.

I began to run the icy cold water and sat cross legged in front of the tub, waiting for it to fill up, but Kiku started crying. Even the water couldn't silence his moaning and heaving so I closed the door. It was cruel of me but I was determined.

"Alfred!" I heard him cry, and I'd had enough.

I lost the motivation to kill myself.

Even if I wasn't Arthur's special mistake anymore I was Kiku's 'angel'. I was obligated to stay for him.

I shut of the water and darted out of the bathroom and into my room across the hall, standing in the doorway and looking at the ground really thinking about things. When I sat down it was because my legs were too unstable to stand on anymore. He only spoke with me a short while before he ordered me to go to sleep. I didn't argue because I was exhausted and the pain in my skull was becoming unbearable.

I had a crazy dream that night that I was in this forest kind of place.

It was pretty and warm, and it was a nice change of pace from my head trauma in the waking world. All around me I could hear crickets sing and birds give off those cute little cries whenever I entered 'their' territory. It was hypnotic, and with such a melody I couldn't help but join in. I started humming as I skipped down the stoned pathway crinkling my nose when I butterfly decided to land on it and laughing. I was overcome with this weird, unexplainable happiness while I was in that dream, something that I desperately needed to keep me going.

I finally came to the edge of the pathway and saw a cul-de-sac sort of grounds, entering it and seeing a little koi pond smack dab in the middle. Sitting down beside it, I looked into the crystal clear water and saw little fishes swimming around in it with gems at the bottom (it was rather shallow). I carried on humming until I heard footsteps coming my way.

When I saw him it took me a second to realize it was actually him; it was weird seeing him from all sides. He cam from the same opening that I did, wearing all white which really emphasized how dark his hair was and made me realize his eyes were actually lighter in colour than I thought they were. He was barefoot, stepping over the stones and watching his every step with intent.

It took him a while to look up but once he did he gawked at me in awe. Naturally, I ran up to him. He offered a curt bow before I couldn't resist any longer and grabbed a firm hold of his hands. I kissed the top of his left hand and led him over to the pond. I wanted to throw my arms around him but there was something in the water catching his attention so I followed his gaze to see it.

What I saw is something I do not want to remember. I didn't look down at all after that and I was ready for that hug. Like he was reading my mind, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me in, facing me toward him and away from the pond.

He smelled sweet- like green tea and honey and maybe some cakes or candy, and he was even more warm than the forest. I felt such a sense of security there in his embrace that I let my whole body just relax, and he kept me up steady. We stayed like that for the duration of the dream; him staring at the water and me clinging to his chest trying to forget it. Being complete opposites I always knew we were perfect together.

He never breathed a word to me. He just pulled away eventually and gave me a kiss on the lips, nose, and the forehead, like he way saying goodbye. He pulled me back in and gave me a gentle squeeze before letting me go and fading away. I woke up moments after that to a throbbing pain at the side of my head, crusted and dried blood caked to my skin. I cringed and peeled it off, getting blood underneath my fingernails and beginning to sweat at the sight of it. I always hated the look, texture, and smell that came with blood.

I rolled over onto my back and sat up, squinting my eyes to see Kiku, wide awake and sitting at the edge of the screen waiting for me. He smiled gently and waved, and I was pleasantly surprised that I had his smell on me (although since we never actually touched it was just what I imagined him to smell like! Which was accurate by the way, but that's neither hear nor there) and that warming feeling seeping underneath my skin. My heart was pounding remembering his kisses and the way he rubbed my back.

I walked to the desk wrapped in my cocoon of blankets, yawning calmly and looking at him with a lazy grin. I was wondering why he was being so quiet; usually the first thing he did in the morning was jump all over me, asking how I slept and what I dreamed about and if I was going to eat breakfast. Instead he sat, looking me up and down and walking around trying to see my back, motioning for me to lean in so he could examine my wounds. I let him do his little interrogation (which took painfully long). He stopped and blew me a kiss with sad look on his face, but he giggled when I pretended to catch it with my fingers and press it to my lips.

"If you took your own life you'd never be able to catch my kisses."

_That escalated quickly._

What I said that night was true, though- I wanted to kill myself. Before I found Kiku,(this is stupid) I felt so lonely like I was the only one like me. The only people I was friends with were my cousins (who were like twice my age, married people with children, but I didn't get along with their kids my own age), and my aunts (three times my age, middle aged women who play bingo for fun). It was depressing to know I was accepted by everyone but my peers. Meeting Kiku was like none of that mattered anymore.

Believe me when I say it wasn't intentional that I got so attached to him. It just sort of... happened. I was obsessed with him and he was my only connection to the real world and people (ironic as it is). We spoke nearly non stop everyday for so long that it got to a point I could not even think of leaving the house or going to sleep without saying goodbye and I love you to him first. And I wouldn't.

"You're right. I'm sorry." I said finally, sighing and resting my cheek into my hand. His lips were twitching like he was trying with everything in him not to freak out on me about what happened with Arthur the night prior, but he probably didn't know if it was okay to talk about it yet.

He cares about me _so_ much.

Looking into his eyes I spit out everything and by the time I'd finish we were both crying like a bunch of overemotional losers.

"I'm so sorry, Kiku. I didn't-" I spat between sobs, shaking my head.

"I'm sorry things are so hard for you but please," he cut me off, wailing it at me and dropping his helmet over his face with a "excuse me" because he didn't want me to see him so hysterical. "... _please don't ever say you want to kill yourself again_ and don't ever think about it because your life is _precious_ to me!"

I laughed and he was appalled.

"I can assure you I'm far from joking, Alfred-kun!" he scolded me, but I kept laughing because I couldn't see his facial expression because of the helmet.

"TAKE THAT THING OFF, JESUS, I CAN'T-"

"Please stop laughing you're making me feel foolish!" he sounded so confused and hurt. "Why did you call me Jesus? I don't understand!" I couldn't breath I was laughing too hard, and I could just imagine the look he was probably giving me; three years old and his favourite toy just got snapped in half of sucked up by the vacuum cleaner. "A-Alfred-"

"I love you _so _much." I cried, wiping a tear from my eye and managing to stop my laughing. I was going to tell Kiku about my dream, but I didn't want to scare him, and plus thinking of that cute little face of his I found it hard to believe the strong, cool, and serious boy in my dream was an accurate representation of him. Kiku was way too cute to be like that. I moved the cursor and plucked the helmet from his head, proving my suspicions of what he looked like correct. "Don't cry, baby."

"B-but-" he stammered, and I kissed the screen where he was. That shut him up.

"Let's not talk about this anymore. I promise I won't ever want to hurt myself again, okay?" I insisted, nodding until he nodded along with me. Batting his eyelashes to get the tears out of him he turned to the side and away from me, which wasn't effective because I was still staring at him. I wanted to change the subject. I'd had enough of being depressed and I just wanted to be happy with my Kiku, but I think he was having a more difficult time moving on than I was. "Let's play some levels." I suggested when he began to sniffle, grabbing him the tissues from the inventory which he accepted gratefully.

"Y-yes." he said, blowing his nose cutely before the tissues disappeared. I wondered what happened to his armour and grabbed the drop down menu again to get him suited up, much to his dismay. I giggled lightly at him as I put his battle gear on.

"Sorry. I'm not taking any chances." I said playfully, earning a hopeless grunt and a wave of his hand. I situated the helmet back on his head and entered the maze.

_**Level 25: Himeji Castle**_

_**Final destination**_

_Level 25 which begins at the white castle will take you out into the ocean which you much travel across. Deliver **Honda **to the destination safely and the is complete. If you die during this level you have one more chance to repeat it before you have to start from the beginning of the game._

Kiku looked at the top the screen and saw these words, and when I pushed the up arrow he refused to move forward.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: SORRY FOR ALL THE SPELLING ERRORS IN THE LAST CHAPTER I MEAN GEEZ. JSLJDKJjskaks I'm too lazy to go back and fix them, too, so I am deeply sorry to the grammar nazis that may be reading this OUO If it counts as an excuse I'm learning French and I have been getting stupid things confused easily lately xD I'll pay extra attention to this chapter though.**

"Why'd you stop?"

I couldn't respond correctly because I didn't know. Looking down at the streams and flowers and whatnot that littered the pathway to the castle I couldn't bring myself to imagine what lay beyond. It wasn't like any of the other levels where I had a good idea of what was next. This was the most difficult puzzle of the game, the most detailed, and the one that would take the longest and have the most obstacles. If I took a wrong step I could die and throughout the whole game Alfred made it a point that I didn't, and I feared since we'd delayed the inevitable for so long that the pain would be even worse than it would have been had we not been so cautious.

I stood stolid for a few moments with my heart catching in my throat, only the sound of his humming pulling me from my thoughts.

"Are you scared?" he asked, tapping his fingers on the desk and smiling at me lovingly when I turned around to face him. He tucked some hair behind his ears so his face were more visible and he didn't look at all disturbed. I guess he hadn't thought about what would happen to me if he finished the game before then, either. "I've kept you safe this far, I won't break the streak, I promise."

"I have full confidence in you." I said at once, not wanting him to have the wrong idea before I went off of on my tangent. He looked at me expectantly as I bit my lips. "I don't know what is next. I don't know what beating the game means for me."

He thought about what I'd said for a moment, his face lighting up as he realized what I was talking about.

"So you don't want to beat the game? That's fine, you know."

"But I also don't know how long you can go on a level before you lose..."

Suddenly I remembered that when Alfred first begun the game, he'd already translated the instructions for himself so I didn't feel it necessary to tell him the time limit on the levels that begun once you advanced past stage fifteen. You gained new privileges, like the inventory menu, but you also lost them as well, like no longer being able to ask for voice assistance and you gained the annoying time limit.

This interval was usually three weeks. If you failed to complete the level in those three weeks you'd have to start the game from the beginning again. It doubled for the final level.

The longest we could be together before I'd have to face my final destiny would less than two months and it was the most frightening thing I ever learned about myself.

"Let's just stay here then, I don't mind."

"Alfred, we can't."

"What do you mean?"

I did my best explaining this newly recalled information, taking it as a challenge to try and keep my cool. It was so scary though, thinking about Alfred beating the game, then having my entire existence disintegrate. Or even worse- I could imagine that if the game were beaten I would become like the copies of myself I despise so much and lose my self awareness. The scariest thing would be to become like that and not be able to speak with or recall my experiences with Alfred any more, ever again...

Alfred is the best part of me. If I lost him I would be a completely different person. Like losing my identity and it scared me _so _much.

"Calm down, Kiku, it'll be okay." he tried to reason with me, as I was pacing back and forth in my area with sweat dripping down the sides of my face and fogging up the glass of my helmet with my hyperventilating. He tapped the screen, which made me shake some, and I stumbled backward trying to regain my balance. "Kiku, **calm**." he demanded, and I looked up at him and nodded along with him.

"Calm." we said in unison, and I felt like I were about to faint. How he expected me to be calm in such a situation was beyond me.

"I have an idea."

Yes! Of course he had an idea, he was my savior after all and my noble player that would save me from my cruel fate!

"...but it involves killing you on purpose."

"Oh_, dear_." I spat breathlessly, unable to process what he'd said. Kill me on purpose? Was he in a sadistic mood that day or what!? I shook my head rapidly, trembling in horror. "You cannot be serious, please tell me you're joking, Alfred-kun, why would-"

"Hey, remember to stay calm? We just went over this. Let me continue."

"Hai.."

"We kill you on purpose." he said, making me shiver again but he shot me a stern glare that told me to remain silent. "In this level it said if you die once, then we have to start all over again at the very beginning of the game."

A wave of relief washed over me.

"Oh-"

"Yeah. See? I have everything handled." Alfred said happily and coolly, crossing his arms and leaning back in hi chair with his feet propped up on the edge of his desk. Meanwhile I was sprawled out on the ground haphazardly, sweating like a maniac and panting like I'd just run across the entire country, my eyes wide and reddened by the panic. I was relieved that there was a way to beat the odds, but the questions still remained, like an endless supply of uncertainty.

"But how will you kill me?" I asked worriedly. I had a hint pain tolerance but death had to hurt worse than anything I'd ever done before. I couldn't predict how well I could handle it and Alfred seemed so sure in himself then.

He smiled and opened one of his eyes, winking at me.

"Easy. We just put you in the water and you should be out in a few seconds. Then we'll be at the beginning without the time limit and we could stay that way for as long as we wanted!"

No, no, no, no, no... no water. No.

I gasped and my lungs shriveled up by the pressure of the air hitting me. I was lightheaded and my vision started to become blurry. Just the mention of water made me thing of that horrible experience on the tree, and it brought the voices back and the small child in the pond in my dream!

"_Kiku-chan, remember to-"_

Who would be calling me!? I didn't know anyone but Alfred and his horrible father! The voice sounded so misty and clipped, and it made me twitch, the feeling of water flowing beneath my skin coming in small doses as the voices went on.

_"Nii-chan~!" _

I have no siblings!

"Kiku!"

"Stop, stop, please!" I wailed, shaking my head even more quickly and sobbing at the feeling. The water was riding through my veins and I was so cold! There was a stinging in my eyes and the taste of salt all around my mouth, the voices of the mystery people still echoing in my mind. He wanted to drown me! He wanted to dunk me into the water and watch me die!

Alfred was becoming frantic at my response and mannerisms.

"Kiku, what's wrong? Please talk to me!" he yelled at the screen, making the ground shake again and I fell onto my back easily. The bump on my head made me stop crying momentarily. The water rushing through my body was still happening but I couldn't cry about it anymore.

I fell like there were arms wrapped around me, and like droplets of water were falling onto my forehead. There was a heartbeat near me that wasn't mind.

"_I love you... I'm sorry..."_

"Not again." I whispered.

"What?" Alfred asked, confused by me and my words no doubt. He put the cursor on my hand, which was off the side, dripping wet and limp.

I didn't feel it. I only looked at it. All I could feel was the water stop, and then me being soaked, water pouring from my mouth and nose. And my body was still. I couldn't move it at all.

I could only be carried by this strange presence whose tears fell on my face. I felt a kiss on my forehead, and then I felt the chest of what was holding me shake, like it were crying.

"Papa is sorry..." I whispered, so stunned by everything that was playing out in my mind I was ignoring Alfred entirely. I closed my eyes slowly and was taken to a place that was very much real. Nothing about it was apart of the game.

I was bathed in sunlight and the water on my skin was drying quickly. I looked up and saw a man coming toward me, giggling gently and kneeling down to my level. He pat my skin with a strange white substance and kissed my nose, turning me around and shooing me away.

"Kiku-chan, remember to not go past the shore, okay? Promise this to Papa?"

"Yes." I said, turning back around to him, and he kissed my cheeks before he let me off again.

"Nii-chan!" a girl from far away called to me, motioning me toward the ocean. I knew we were at a beach when a seagull landed nearby. But how I knew it was a seagull was something I didn't understand, because I'd never seen one in my life before. There were no beaches in the game, I didn't have a father, and that girl calling for me to come and play was a stranger, but for some reason I nodded and laughed, wobbling over to her.

I looked down at myself and realized I was a toddler.

The girl looked no older than I was and as I neared her other children appeared. They were buried in the sand- two other boys and a tall woman nearby. She looked up from the book she was reading and smiled at me.

"Well come on." she said, and I nodded and and went over to her. She pulled me into her lap and the other children came up to us moments later, chattering nonsense and getting sand all over the chair we were in. I laid in her lap sleepily while they spoke, part of me wanting to know what kind of hallucination this was, but the other part telling me the woman was my mother and that I was safe in her arms.

I closed my eyes at the warm feeling of her hand on my head, the other playing with my hair as she told the other children to calm down.

When I opened my eyes again those people were off in the distance and I was standing by the shoreline, letting the water run over my feet with a soft smile on my face and holding a bucket with a baby crab in it. I walked in a little closer, glancing behind me and watching the supposed couple wrestle the other children, hosing them down to get the sand off of them. I put the bucket down and walked in a little closer, the waves becoming more powerful and hitting me with more strength, but I kept walking until the water was up halfway on my chest. I looked up at a very large wave coming at me and closed my eyes.

When I opened them I was in the man's arms, and he was weeping softly and clutching my small body. The sadness that he gave off made me upset too. I wanted to say something but I realized I was dead.

"I love you... I'm sorry..." He wimpered, walking out of the water. I could see the woman was bawling her eyes out, holding the girl tightly to her chest, the boys crowding around her and latching onto her legs. They were all crying, and the man's heart was thumping so fast and hard against his chest I was surprised he was still standing. He held my body tightly and kissed my head again, whispering sorry over and over again.

"I should have been more careful... I'm sorry I let you down, Kiku..."

He managed to whisper, looking into my eyes. I wanted to say something again, because I forgave him and I wanted him to know this, but I couldn't even blink and I had to remind myself I had passed.

He dried me off and held me close to his chest, rubbing my forehead gently, and looking into his eyes I knew he was broken beyond repair.

"Papa is sorry." I said, and the feeling that I was being held was gone. I was back in the game, looking at Alfred who was staring at me curiously.

"What do you mean, though?"

"I had a life before the game." I responded, sitting up and rubbing my head. I wasn't wet anymore, the sunlight was gone, and it was back to being in this fictional universe.

**A/N: I told you dis shit is cray.**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I feel like I haven't updated in a century so here's nice long chapter for my lovelies. I think since I got so much done in this chapter, and the fact my next with be the first double digit the next one will be fluff ;u; Anyways I hope you enjoy! **

I think the thing that made me feel like my sanity was seeping between my fingers was that I didn't even take a minute before I agreed with him. It wasn't the craziest thing that could have happened after all, right? There were plot twists like this in movies and comics and other kinds of media so what difference did it make if it was happening in real life?

Then it hit me; I inherited dad's craziness and his ability to _talk to the fairies_ and hear voices from _those who have passed deep into the hours of the night_. I rolled my eyes just thinking about all the times I'd rolled out of bed at about midnight or so to get a glass of water and found him sitting at the breakfast table talking casually to the air and having coffee set up for two. I would just sorta back away slowly and refill my cup at the bathroom sink. _Eyebrows_ wouldn't have such a ridiculous trait about his personality and that was how I made up for it.

It wasn't weird to me that Kiku had been an actual person at some point cause I was just as insane as dad was. That had to be it.

He sneezed and I was pulled out of my thoughts to the fact he was still shivering from cold and the riverwater all over his little body. I frowned and pulled out a blanket from the inventory that we normally tossed over the faceless beings to distract them when under attack, but I hoped it would warm him up some as I wrapped it around him with the mouse.

He smiled at me gently but gratefully and thanked me in a whisper. Leaned in a little closer and tried to think of a proper way to tell him what I'd just discovered about yourself when a thought occurred to me that should have been insignificant; I hadn't seen Arthur since he beat the shit out of me the night before.

It wasn't like I was complaining. I liked having the house to myself and I didn't feel like listening to his speech about how he was sorry and that he shouldn't have said such a thing because I knew what he said was true. I let it go and focused back on Kiku, who looked like he was about to puke, probably still worried about the killing him thing and having flashbacks of the magical 'family' in his mind.

I tried to imagine what they'd look like as I ran the cursor absently over his head and he shivered fervently. I assumed they had his black hair and his pasty skin and hi cute little nose, the whole package. I looked similar to my dad so it was a proper estimate. I was so curious about Kiku's 'life' and his family and I wanted to ask every question that could possibly be thought of, but the clock was ticking and I needed to figure out a way to get back to level one without permanently scarring him mentally or physically.

Just crazy ole me devising this plan with a stupid expression on my face that was freaking him out. Yeah, when I'm deep in thought I tend to bulge my eyes and some and my mouth just forms into a straight line and it is not pretty. He looked at me apprehensively with his eyes shifting back and forth between his bare feet and my tongue slowly sliding out of my mouth as the mazes appeared before my mind.

He had never died in the game before, but he said it was painful so it wasn't something I wanted to do. It was something that just had to be done though, and it would be quick, especially at such an advanced level if you step the wrong way you're over.

I decided I would do just that. I would just slam my finger on the up arrow key and walk straight forward until something happened! It was full proof. I would make all the wrong turns and if a Noberu came by I would just resist the urge to punch in the code to save him and he would die quickly with the least amount of pain possible.

But I knew if I told him my plan he would have a seizure. He hated things that weren't planned out first.

"Alfred-kun, you're being strangely quiet." he said, looking really comfortable all of a sudden with the towel wrapped around his midsection and his hair drying off finally. He moved some of the hair from his eyes and looked up at me, looking really sleepy and freaking cute. "Do you have something on your mind?"

I had him stand up and he shook himself off one last time before we started off down the stoned pathway which looked a lot like the one in my dream I had with him. His feet were bare and it bugged me some cause I didn't want him to step on something sharp, so I had to remind myself that it was just a game and it wasn't like there would be some random glass shards lying around in the dirt or something.

He still looked super tired though and he was walking without any balance whatsoever, having to stop and put his arms out at his side to try and regain his coordination.

"Hey Keeks," I began, not wanting to have the burden of that dream on my mind any longer and also looking for a way to further distract him, so he wouldn't be so uneasy about his death. "Have you ever had a dream that someone else was in with you?"

He paused and turned to face me.

"Yes, I have some. Mainly about you."

I blushed a little bit. Okay, not a little bit. I was red as hell and I started giggling like I belonged in a strait jacket.

_He dreamed about me_, fanboy swoons _galore_.

"Oh? Like what?"

"Well, when we first met I had a dream that you and I were... Oh, this sounds stupid but, we were in a tree together. And you were hanging on it by you legs and so I tried to mimic you."

_Wait a second...why can I imagine this so perfectly?_

"And shortly afterward dreamed that you and I were playing in a river. It was my favourite." he said wistfully, tapping his finger against his chin and smiling cutely. "We were holding hands and... dancing in the water, and the sky behind us was a pale blue and the sky was filled with clouds that looks so big and soft it was like cotton plants."

_Uhm..._

"The most recent ones, however, were not so... Well yes, they were enjoyable because I was with you, but there was something eerie about it all. The first we were walking together in a field with flowers, and I picked some for you. But once I had picked them everything else faded away to dust. I was frightened, but you reassured me things would be okay and we held each other until I woke up."

_We've been having the same dreams this whole time..._

"The other, we were in a forest. And you came to me singing-"

"And then there was a river with-"

"-a little boy in it."

_Woa._

"A-Alfred-"

"Yes." I said, not even bothering to have him ask the question before I answered. It was clear that I was even more off the deep end than I thought and Kiku was my imaginary friend slash soul mate who comes to me in my dreams. That's all. Perfectly normal and easy to follow.

He backed away some, looking like he'd just seen a ghost.

"It was really you then? That was really your singing and your real scent and your skin... You're so soft..."

"You really smell like tea. And you're really freaking skinny then so you have no right to tell me to eat more." I said playfully, watching closely as he backed away but simultaneously preoccupied. It was him. It wasn't just my imagination- I really held him in my arms and he held me in his and I was just so excited. "I'll tell you, I tried to make sense of waking up that night with chrysanthemum petals in my bed and wound up wanting a psychologist instead."

I was gonna laugh but he fell into a fucking gaping hole that magically appeared in the forest floor before I could and I swear I almost peed my pants. I shot up from the chair and screamed his name, clutching my laptop monitor and bawling my eyes out as I listened to him scream. The sound got more distant until I couldn't hear him anymore, and in big flashing red kanji came across the screen, _game over_.

"WELL NO SHIT GAME OVER-" I screeched, resisting the urge to knock everything off of my desk and just jump out of the window. I was so angry my heart was palpitating and I thought I could faint from the sudden impact of stress on my chest. It was the plan to kill him, yes, but knowing that it happened by accident and out of our control tore at me inside. I was breathing heavily and crying like a baby because the screen just kept flashing, game over, game over, and it wouldn't change or anything. After what felt like an hour (when in reality it was a minute at the most) I just rolled my eyes back in my head and fell to the floor with a thud.

"Alfred wake up, oh, please-" I felt something slapping my cheeks gently, but my eyelids were so heavy and there was a throbbing in my head so I wanted to fall back asleep and not have to feel it. I stirred a bit and then I heard an exasperated sigh. "Oh thank god, you scared me half to death." the voice said, and I felt myself being lifted and he held my against his chest. It took me a moment to process it was my dad.

He kissed my forehead and rocked me back and forth gently, and I could feel his tears falling on my face so I grimaced and opened my eyes finally. I looked up at him and I felt disgusted; he had the biggest black circles under his eyes that I'd ever seen him have in my life and his hair was pointing out in all directions. He had coffee stains on his teeth and he looked like he hadn't slept in ten thousand years. I felt a hand that wasn't his touch my shoulder gently, and then the slender fingers of whoever it was traveled up the sides of my face and he tutted, probably at the gigantic gash in my temple that was coated with dried blood.

Arthur handed me off to whoever the other person was and I felt much happier in that dude's grasp. He was smaller than my dad but still a lot bigger than me, and he had his hair tied up into a ponytail which was draped over his shoulder and the ends of his hair tickled my noise. I smiled and he smiled back, stroking the back of my head and carrying me over to my bed.

He laid me down and put the blanket over me, rubbing my forehead gently and his skin was really soft so it felt nice.

"We've known each other for how long now and you never told me you had a child?" the guy said, and he applied a warm cloth to where the cut was. It felt nice.

"I thought you would have assumed by the fact I have grey hairs and come to work late every day cause I'm making his breakfast."

"That must be why he's so thin; poor thing.. Don't worry, Alfred, I'll take care of you." the guy whispered, and he leaned down and gave me a tight hug. I hugged him back even though I didn't have any idea of who he was. He and dad were talking like they'd been friends for years and I'd never seen him a day in my life.

"Hey watch yourself there's nothing wrong with my cooking." Arthur said, wagging his finger at the person. He looked down at me and smiled when he saw my eyes were opened. "Alfred, this is Yao. He's a good friend of mine from work."

"Hi Yao can you be my new dad please." I said, and he laughed and pinched my cheeks. I was happy and I felt warm and really safe... safer than I had in a long time with this strange guy and it occurred to me how miserable I was with Arthur, putting a damper on my mood. When I thought about that and how sad it made me, I thought about what made me happy, which is Kiku. And I felt like I was gonna pass out all over again. Yao pulled away just a little but kept a hand on my back and helped me to sit up, but I looked at my desk the laptop was closed. Naturally I flipped a shit. "Wh-wh-wh- d-dad please give that to me." I said, pointing to it, my hand shaking like crazy.

Yao rubbed circles into my back and pulled me back into a hug, looking over at my dad with wide eyes. I could tell he thought I was crazy, which I was but it wasn't my fault cause it runs in my family. Dad just shrugged and handed the laptop to me, and I clicked it open in a millisecond, my heart jumping at what I saw.

The start up screen was there, but before I could click continue "Downloading" came across the screeen.

"**P** **d ** **t **u r n **o** f f **y **o u r **c** r." A robotic voice said in Japanese on full blast, and both Yao and I covered our ears because we were right by the speaker. A bar came across the screen and as it grew an obnoxious click sounded, making me twitch ever time.

"**D** d. **C** **s** **g **a m e."

The screen came back up to level one where Kiku and I first began; at a cross section with a cherry blossom tree on one side and a koi pond at the other, just like it ould continue to be for the next six stages. Usually Kiku could be found sitting by the tree and waiting to be played with, but this time he was standing with his back facing me in the middle. I could tell Yao was itching to know what was going on but he said nothing. He just kept holding me in the comforting way, dad leaning in also to see the screen.

I was annoyed they were both violating our privacy but I was also a little scared to see what would happen next.

"Kiku?" I called shakily, but when Kiku turned around could hardly recognize him. For starters, he was wearing a different outfit; it was now solid black and he had no helmet, and in turn for the long white gun there was a katana hanging from a case around his waist. He was about a foot taller, and his facial features were more sharp and manly and that sweet air of cuteness was morhped into... sexiness. I felt my face going red and I squirmed around in Yao's grasp, pulling the laptop in closer and situating my hand on the mouse pad.

"Hello, player." Kiku said, his voice deeper and just _spine tingling_. I was halfway between crying and being entirely too infatuated with his new more mature self. Why did he call me player? Did he forget who I was...?

"I-it's me, Alfred, baby." I whispered in Japanese, glowering and tapping my fingers idly against the side of the laptop trying not to lose it at how hot he was. "You know who I am, don't you?" I added, my voice cracking. Oh no. I was not about to cry. I swallowed hard on the lump of sappiness forming in my throat and raised my chin up, looking at him awaiting my answer.

He looked confused for a second.

"Why would you ask? Of course I do."

"Thank fucking god." I sighed, earning a scowl from Yao, who pushed it on Arthur as well. Just the look in his eyes said _do you really just let him curse like he was raised in a barn? _After a second I ignored them completely and looked back at Kiku, who was blushing slightly and looking at me longingly. "Hey dad, Yao, I'm really hungry. Can you make me something to eat?" I asked, wanting them to get the hell out so Kiku and I could be alone.

Yao nodded and stood, setting me back down and wrapping me up in the blankets so tightly I couldn't move my arms, but that was the way I liked to be tucked in. He kissed my cheek and walked out of the room, dad following after, and after less than a minute I heard a slapping noise and Yao going off on my dad.

"Kiku-" I said, somewhat breathlessly. He kept smiling. God damn was he sexy. I could hardly keep my focus I was too busy staring at him. It was even worse than it was before!

"Alfred-kun, after I died I underwent such a-"

"YEAH, I can tell, baby." I said, pulling a pillow into my lap and clutching it tightly. "Maybe this is how they keep players after they die and have to start all over again."

"Perhaps." Kiku giggled, sitting in a similar fashion I was, but sticking his sword in the ground and leaning on the handle of it. "It's good it happened though. Now we won't have to worry about being separated."

"It's a relief. I don't know what I'd do without you." I confessed, although it wasn't much of a confession because I'm sure he knew. He blushed more deeply and shook his head a little, looking toward the ground and gasping happily.

"Oh, look, it's a chrysanthemum." he said, plucking from its spot in the soil and holding it up for me to see. "It's blue... blue makes me think of you, Alfred-kun." he said lazily, sniffing it a little before he ripped the stem off and tucked the bulb into his collar. He ran his fingers over it absently and locked eyes with me again, sending shivers down my spine.

"I still can't believe you can age." I exclaimed. He had to be at least seventeen. I suddenly felt like it wasn't my place to be with him, but I knew that was stupid cause he was still the same age as me on the inside, or at least I hoped he was.

"I wasn't aware I did, either, anata, but enough of that I want to continue or conversation about dreams!"

"You just died and you still want to talk about dreams?" I was in disbelief. Why was he so perfect? Everything about him just pulled at my heart strings and made me a babbling twat.

"Yes! I still think it's interesting we've be dreaming together all of this time." he laughed, and I rocked back and forth to try and contain myself. "Now I want to sleep so we can be together again."

I leaned into the screen kinda slowly, and he did the same and we did our little pretend kiss for a solid three minutes. I just didn't want to let go even though the only thing I was holding onto was pure emotion. I liked our kisses even if it was just me being a dork and rubbing my lips onto a screen. When I pulled away it was because I heard footsteps coming from down the hall, and he understood and nodded, even though he was biting his lips and pouting from what I could see out of the corner of my eyes.

Yao came in the door way and looked at me with a bright face.

"I made you some breakfast, Alfred. Would you like me to bring it to you?"

"No, it's okay I can come get it. Thank you Yao." I said, and Kiku blew me a kiss before I managed to unwrap myself from the blanket cocoon and it made my legs all wobbly when I stood; Yao had to come and catch me from falling. He held my hand and led me out of the room, but he kept looking over his shoulder at the screen with a quizzical glare.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Sorry for the sudden appearance of Yao but he is very important to the story now don't ask why he's just one of my favourite characters in the whole show /sunglasses**

**Also I usually do Alfred, Kiku with the chapters but this is from Alfred's pov again, mainly because a) he's away from the computer and b) doing a chapter from Kiku's pow wouldn't really be eventful. So if you're curious right now he's just like "oho im sexy bitch lookit zhat"**

I still had a cloth over my eyes as I walked through the house, not even wanting to be bothered with the trinkets that littered the floor and that I would probably step on and wind up cursing again. Although, I have to say, that day the house was as clean as it could have ever been. The fresh scent of cleaning products left a film on the floor and I slipped because my head was up in the clouds, landing on my back with a thud. I was pleasantly surprised to feel there were indeed no legos attempting to penetrate my scalp and no litter from spilt ash trays on the back of my arms and legs as expected.

I felt so ditsy, I just stared up at the ceiling and started giggling like a crazy man.

As I took in my surroundings I smelled the most wonderful food coming from the kitchen, which had never happened before. Ever, I think. Dad is an awful cook and usually when he's trying to make us dinner it just smells like a combination of play doh and spoiled milk, and when we ate I had to put a clip on my nose so I wouldn't smell or taste a thing.

The scents coming at me from all sides were distracting me from thinking about Kiku and how much he'd changed, and I suppose it was good at the time. I liked that he remembered me and was just the same as before mentally, but his new physical appearance caught me kind of off guard. It was both arousing and unsettling and without thinking I let my hands wander to my stomach.

Yao stopped when he realized I wasn't behind him and still on the floor in the living room, and he walked back to me slowly, kneeling down to my level with an arched brow.

"Why are you acting so goofy? Does he let you do drugs, too?" he asked, feeling my forehead with the back of his hand. He pulled away when he felt I was covered in whatever was on the floor. "That's weird it usually dries quickly."

I snorted after a few seconds or so as he was taking me into his arms, as I processed finally the comment about drugs, but Arthur gave a very unamused cackle and slammed the door of the cupboard he was looking through.

"Very funny." he growled, letting the plate he retrieved fall against the surface of the bar. Yao sat me down on the chair and grabbed a paper towel from the other side of the kitchen, handing it to me. Arthur put a couple of pancakes on my plate and some bacon, and my attention was too focused on the amazing food to remember that I had cleaning chemicals as a second layer of skin.

Yao rolled his eyes when I was halfway through gorging down my meal and began to dab at my arms himself.

"Look he's a savage because of your horrible parenting."

"Watch it, you, I'm an excellent parent. He's a savage because of his mother."

Yao shrugged, and I listened intently, setting my fork down at the side of the plate and chewing slowly.

"Your girlfriend was a whore but she wasn't a savage, and I'm sure she cooked better than you can. Hell, I bet my seven year old could cook better than you."

_Oh snap. _

"Will you cool it with the hurtful comments!?" Arthur snapped, his face flushed and sweat trickling down the sides of his forehead. "I tried the very best I could! I was all alone, and-"

"And nothing. You were not alone. I've always been here but you were too stupid to ask for my help and now he's malnourished and addicted to the internet. That monitor gives him more attention than you do."

"I-I-..." Arthur spluttered, taking a couple of steps back. I turned around to look at Yao, and the passion he felt behind the words was evident in his grimace. His eyes flashed to me briefly; contemplation of saving the topic for while the two were in private, but he saw I wasn't taking offense and carried on.

"I'm here to tell you that your best isn't good enough. And when it isn't you get a friend or family member to help. You hate your brothers, you hate your sisters, and you abhor your parents, not to mention I'm one of your _only _friends and I'm all you have right now."

"I-if you were really my friend you wouldn't be trying to break me down like this!" Arthur cried, wiping his eyes with the sleeve of his worn and dirt splattered sweater and I cringed. When he let his arm fall back down to his side his eyes were even more red than before.

"No, if I _weren't_ really your friend then I would sit here and tell you everything you did is right and that there's nothing wrong with anything you do. But I am. And sometimes your friends just have to tell you you suck to get your head back on your shoulders straight."

"You suck pretty hard, dad." I added casually, taking my last bite of pancakes. "I told you I loved you the other day and you said thanks."

"See, what the hell kind of an answer is that?" Yao laughed, genuinely, as if using my words as an escape from the serious mood between us. "If your child says 'I love you' you say 'I love you too'. It's not that hard."

"But what if his room is dirty and he's just trying to buy time from cleaning it?" Arthur said, somewhat jokingly. I couldn't really tell behind all of the tears that were pouring from his eyes. He chuckled softly, so I assumed he wasn't all that sad anymore.

"You still say it, but you also tell him to stop being a dork and to go clean it." Yao said, walking to my dad and giving him a tight bear hug. Arthur still sniffled profusely, but I didn't care to listen to their conversation anymore because my food was gone. I silently congratulated my dad on getting a friend, and as I hopped down from the stool I caught a few sentences from their 'talk'.

"_Did you use some special Chinese thing or whatever to clean the floors?"_

_"It's just pinesol, dumbass." _

* * *

Walking down the hallway the uneasy feeling came back into my gut like a bullet and I stopped to catch my breath. Looking at my bedroom door made me realize how much I didn't want to be in there! I mean, I was fine with the new 'transformation' less than thirty minutes prior but then I felt sick.

Like, why did he have to get magically so much older than me? Why couldn't he have stayed the same or just aged like one or two years? I would have bee fine with that.

And then I felt like maybe if I wish really hard I would be the same age a him and the relationship wouldn't be awkward.

And_ then_ I got into a silent argument with myself that the relationship could _never _be awkward, because I loved him too much! But eventually I started shaking from the cold and had to go inside.

I walked slowly in, the heat of my bedroom washing over m y face and making my cheeks pink. I crawled up onto my bed and go myself under the covers, opening the laptop until I could see the background of the game.

Kiku walked up to me and smiled brightly, and it was hard to laugh that he had flower petals entangled in his hair and like three butterflies were following him with every step he took. Even though he was older and more intimidating, he looked so cute and happy like a little black dot running around in a green meadow.

"Hello!" he exclaimed softly, sitting down at the front of the screen and laughing when I sunk further underneath my covers until only my nose up was visible.

"Hey!" I responded with equal enthusiasm, watching his bob up and down, one of the butterflies landing on his shoulder. "You have friends!"

"Yes, I do!" he clapped his hands together, his smile fading when it flew away. He pouted a little, probably not realizing he was doing it, and turned back to me. "I don't think it wants to be my friend anymore."he stated grimly until he realized finally that he was being childish, giggling again.

_I just. want. to. hold you. _

I gazed longingly at the screen using the mouse to pick some of the flowers and petals from his hair, and sat back in relegation, the sun in the game setting over the horizon even though it was morning in the real world.

"I'm not as happy when it's dark outside." he said softly, giving his head one final shake when I'd gotten the foreign bodies out of his mane. "I don't know why, though."

"To be honest, I'm not as happy when it's dark, too. I like mornings." I replied, my blush deepening. The way the orange light stained his cheeks made me squirm. "Plus in the mornings I'm not tired and I have more time to talk to you."

"Yes! I was feeling the same way. I don't like to sleep much anymore."

_If I could just give you one hug, I bet it would make the restlessness go away._

We both stopped talking for a solid while, looking at each other. I knew he was thinking the same thing I was.


	11. Chapter 11

As I was staring at Alfred he looked like his eyes were on fire with a sort of compassion he'd never expressed before. My reflection in his glasses made me realize it was giving me a strange feeling, so I stood and ran back toward the flowers again to break the piercing silence that had caused a ringing in my ears. When I stepped forth among the pixilated flowers I stirred a group of butterflies and sent them flying at my face, but I didn't know they were butterflies at first so I stumbled and fell onto my back from the shock.

Alfred giggled cutely at my misfortune and used the mouse to bring me back on my feet, although he changed my direction so that I was facing him again. It made me nervous as he was rotating me, to think of that strange look that sent waves of the same emotion over me, but I was pleasantly surprised to see his usual innocence gracing his features instead.

"You're so cute." he commented in a tone that made me feel like a child much younger than he, even though thanks to my transformation I was now very much older than him. "Kiku. It's such a cute name. Stop being cute it's making me sick."

I felt small standing there with the butterflies basking in my wake. A breeze blew by that stirred me from my thoughts, and when I looked up at Alfred I could tell he'd minimized the game screen and was on another website of some sort. I assumed he was taking an online class or checking his grades so I remained quiet, trying to shake the feeling of inferiority.

Alfred suddenly broke into a bright grin with an underlying deviousness.

"Ah you're a cute little girl." He whispered, clicking the keys some and scrolling through whatever age he was on. I was taken aback by the statement, to say the least…

"Wh-what? I'm not a female."

"Yeah but your name is a girl's name. _Kikukikukiku~_ No wonder it's so cute." He cooed, making me more flustered with each word.

"No it isn't!" a hint of irritation was in my tone that I didn't originally want to show. I didn't want to hurt Alfred's feeling somehow because I knew he was just toying with me, but I like my name and I never thought of it as one for females.

"Yes it totally is~ It says right here on this name origins website." Alfred insisted, reading a bit of information from the article aloud to me. However, when he finished I was still very unconvinced. Why would the game designers name me Kiku and make me a male if Kiku isn't a male's name? It just didn't make any sense to me.

"B-but I am a boy! I'm a boy!" I exclaimed suddenly, but Alfred was indifferent the rash tone in my voice and he continued to speak to me in the childish tone.

"Oh well it's a girl's name you're a girly girl boy."

I exhaled deeply and sat back down, no longer bothered by the meaning behind my name because night in the game was sinking in and I was getting very cold. Alfred noticed this and used the mouse to wrap me in a blanket from the inventory, which I thanked him for quietly.

"I wish we could build houses or something so you didn't have to sleep outside every night." he said wistfully, staring off with an awkward half smile on his face as he did so. I wished I could read his mind whenever he had such a look because I knew he had a billion thoughts running through it. He's my everything so naturally I'm nosy when he doesn't tell me things like that… I was going to ask when suddenly a put another blanket around me and started humming. "You must be tired."

With a nod I laid my head in my arms and smiled at the warmth the blankets brought. Listening to his humming relaxed me in a way I still don't understand to this day. With all of that combined, my body went numb from relaxation and I was more tired than I'd ever been, but something was catching my eye; Alfred's bedroom window, the one that opened up into his back yard with the large apple tree and tire swing.

It gave me a strange feeling to be lying in a cold field in the middle of the night, while just a few feet away from me was a window with blazing sunlight coming through it. I stared out at his sunlight and longed for the morning to come again in the game. I dreaded when the night came because I always got so drowsy and didn't get to talk with Alfred as long as I would have hoped. I always was plagued with guilt because he stayed up through his exhaustion every night for so long just to talk to me and satisfy my need to see him and to hear his voice.

Alfred frowned suddenly and turned to the window I was staring at, shutting the curtains and snapping me out of my reverie of sun lust.

"You need to sleep." he whispered soothingly, putting the laptop in his lap and draping a blanket over himself until he had a makeshift tent through which I could see nothing but his face.

It was better than the sun I so longed for.

"I miss you when I'm asleep…" I said absently, my eyelids growing heavier at the comfortable darkness that surrounded me and the fact my love was so nearby. In a sense with that golden hair of his he practically _is_ my sun and the thought of the star in the sky vanished from my mind at the word.. now when I think of a sun, Alfred's face pops into my mind.

Before I knew it Alfred has successfully sung me to sleep.

I sighed dreamily 'cause Kiku was really cute when he slept, but at the same time I felt kinda sad. He was practically my only friend for such a long time that whenever he was asleep I felt lonely. I shrugged it off and took the blanket off of my head, setting the laptop carefully on my bedside desk so I wouldn't wake him by the shaking of the screen.

I stood from my bed and walked over to my closet to put some real clothes on; I bet it would make Kiku happy if I went outside for a couple of hours so that's what I'd planned to do.

Just in the middle of putting some pants on my door opened, a face poked in and muttered an apology and was shut just as quickly as it opened. By the time I realized it was Yao I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to fall.

I shoved my legs through the pant holes and remained shirtless 'cause I wanted to apologize for the awkward moment, trailing out into the hallway where he was standing scratching his head.

"I'm sorry." he said, and I smiled reassuringly.

"No, it's fine, really. My dad walks on me all the time."

"Well I was going to ask you if you wanted to come to the gym with me."

I thought for a moment. Had I even ever been to a gym? I nodded without thinking too much about it. I bet it would keep Kiku off my back if I got a little muscle and just by the tone of Yao's voice I know he wanted me to go with him because I was so damn scrawny.

"Alright then, just put a shirt on and we'll go." Yao declared happily, patting my shoulder and walked down the hall and into the living area.

I was a little giddy with anticipation of going to a gym for the first time. O dove back into my room and threw on a red t-shirt before I found myself staring at the opened door again, thinking about how cool it would probably be. I could just imagine all the sweaty buff guys and the cool exercise equipment and whatnot; I had always enjoyed the idea of an athletic atmosphere but I was too obsessed with the internet to ever actually be in one.

I walked to my laptop and kissed the screen where Kiku was sleeping, practically bouncing up and down in my spot from excitement.

"I love you."I whispered, making sure the battery was plugged into the computer before I ran out into the living room to meet with Yao. He was wearing a pair of my dad's sweatpants and a white tank top, so I contemplated my decision of slacks and a red t shirt. Yao just laughed and swung a bag over his shoulder which I assume was for sports stuff and walked over to the front door, holding it open for me.

"Never mind what I said, I should have a pair of shorts for you at the gym."

I followed him outside after waving to my dad and we walked down the side walk into the city within five minutes. I lived in a small town at the time so there wasn't much excitement or distance between places, but it was still really pretty and made for people of a wealthier class; makes me wonder what Arthur and I were doing there.

Yao was definitely rich, I could tell by the scent of the cologne he was wearing and the way he walked with his chin sorta pointing up and carrying his bag carelessly, like if he dropped it or something he could buy a new one no problem. He also had this weird gold chain he never took off with some characters on it in Chinese, but I never asked him what it meant.

His hair was really long, too, like he'd actually never cut it before, and tied back into a neat and gelled down pony tail every time I saw him.

I was so tempted to ask if I could go over to his house after we were done at the gym so I could see the mansion he most likely owned, but decided if he wanted me over there he would invite me eventually.

When we finally arrived at the gym I had to stand back and admire how freaking awesome it was.

There were palm trees on other side of the building, with stone pathways that led into two tennis courts, a pool, a hot tub, and a sauna in the back of it. The front doors were automatic and the glass was so shiny the sun bounced off of it and blinded me worse than I already was. When we got inside the ceiling was really high up and the whole front lobby was colored with browns and tans and the like and a front desk where they sold all these fancy types of drinks. Yao signed a paper and led me to the male's locker room which had a similar coloring to it as the lobby, but had really _really_ soft carpets, too, and rows of lockers that were so shiny they looked like they were made out of gold. In the back there were a couple of showers, some toilets, and _another_ hot tub. Who put a hot tub in a locker room? Rich ass people.

Yao stood at one of the lockers in the back and while he was gone I took the opportunity to lay on the floor and admire the soft carpets even more up close. I felt dumb and like a little kid rolling around like that but that carpet was more comfortable than my bed was.

When Yao came back with a pair of sorts and another tank top for me in head he just sorta looked at me like I was dead to him and told me to get off of the floor.

"Thank you." I said to him as I took the clothes gratefully and started changing. He just nodded and smiled, walking toward the door with a red and yellow tennis racket.

"I'll be outside at the tennis courts for a couple of minutes. Why don't you go upstairs and try out the treadmill? It'll give you some calf muscles so I can't snap your legs in half so easily." he said playfully, winking before he left the room. When the door shut behind him it echoed because the room was so damn big.

I had never been on a tread mill before so I changed as quickly as I could and suppressed my urge to just jump in the hot tub in the back, running out of the locker room and straight up the stairs like he'd told me to.

I stood before four rows of treadmills, only about three being occupied, and a flat screen television in front of them that had a soccer game on it. I stepped on the on nearest to the tv and stood there for like ten minutes just trying to figure out how it worked before a lady came up behind me and laughed.

"You press however many minutes you want to be running here," she said sweetly, pressing the time for fifteen minutes. "… and you put the speed you'd prefer here." she punched in some kind of number and pressed a big green button at the top of the button pad that set the thing going at a snail's pace. She pat me on the back and went back to her own station, leaving me bored out of my wits just walking at the pace of a legless ninety year old.

I watched the screen for a minute or two before I looked back down at the button pad in frustration, trying to remember where the woman had said the place to set your speed was. I pressed the button that looked the coolest and nearly gave myself an aneurysm when the treadmill just elevated three feet from the ground as I held onto the handrails at the sides for dear life. I could hear chuckles coming from the people behind me and got kinda angry, blushing from my frustration.

I looked back at the keypad and examined it closely before I found the correct button.

It was a scale of one to ten, and a few buttons next to it that said "Beginner's" and "Expert's".

"How hard can running possibly be?" I mumbled to myself, hitting the button that said "Expert's" with a new lease on life. Maybe I could be the best runner in the whole gym and everyone would know me for it!

I was really horribly wrong.

The speed was insane! I tried so hard to keep up that at one point my legs went numb and I was hyperventilating hanging onto the handrails. I lifted myself up from the breakneck movement below and felt like someone had dropped give gallows of sweat over me, feeling insanely embarrassed that those people had just saw me spazz out. But I didn't want to look like a dork!

I took a deep breath and stepped back onto the pad, running as fast as I could for as long as I could. I started to get the hang of it and smiled brightly, feeling so confident in my speed that I looked back up to the screen and watched the soccer game for a while.

A really loud buzzing sound came, it at least it felt really loud cause I was right in front of the tv, and I got thrown off my balance on the machine. My leg twisted the wrong way and I hit my head against the pad, screeching from the pain. Before I passed out I felt the woman from before put her arms around me, and she was screaming for someone to call an ambulance.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: **_**Extreme angst ahead**_**, proceed with caution and manly tears**

I woke up in the emergency room with Yao and Arthur at my right side. Yao was running his fingers across my forehead and my dad was holding my hand. I could tell by the looks on their faces that I was pretty beat up, but I didn't want to look down or anything for fear I'd be horribly disfigured 'cause of a stupid soccer game.

"How are you feeling, love?" my dad asked gently, tightening his grip on my hand just a little bit and smiling sympathetically.

Truth be told I was really loopy. They probably gave me a bunch of medicine to take my mind off of the pain. I couldn't think straight and I tried to focus on my dad's face but it kept floating around the room so I closed my eyes instead.

"Am I broken?" I spluttered, sounding like toddler who'd just learned to talk. Yao sighed and muttered like twelve apologies to my dad, to which he said that it wasn't his fault before I felt his hand break away from my head and he stepped outside of the room. I opened my eyes just a little bit to see what he was doing, and from what was visible out of the tiny square window on the top of the door he looked like he was praying.

"No sweetie, _you're _not broken." my dad said softly, wrapping his arms around me tightly and giving me a kiss on my head. It was then that I realized I had stitches on my forehead from when I'd hit the button pad on the tread mill. "But your leg is. Don't worry though 'cause the doctor says it should be okay in a few months. " he ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me on my nose, which also had a bandage over it, and it was then that I had the courage to look down.

Nothing was too out of the ordinary like I had thought so I sighed in relief and wiggled about in my dad's grasp. He let go of me and moved out of the way until I saw the end of my leg, which was covered in a hard white cast. I ran my fingers across it which upset the IV that was sticking out of my arm and my dad put my hand back in my lap where it was.

"Be careful now, Alfie. It'll really hurt if you yank one of those out." Dad warned me, running his fingers across my back and looking down at the cast with a pain look in his eyes. I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut when the room started spinning out of whack again and groaned.

Within a few minutes Yao stepped back into the room with a grim expression on his face, having heard my whining.

"Are you okay? Do you need more medication, Alfred?"

"**NO**." I exhaled deeply and waved my arms around, somehow forgetting my dad's warning he said like twelve seconds earlier and sure enough one of the tubes popped out of my arms. I couldn't feel it, but I could see there was a dark purple bruise where it was and a little speck of blood where the skin was broken. Dad sighed and asked Yao to get a nurse, and he came back with a couple who tended to my arms.

"Maybe we misjudged Alfred's tolerance to the morphine." One of the men whispered to my dad, wrapping my arm up in a cloth thing and making me squirm when she put pressure onto it. He saw how uncomfortable I was and said in a baby voice, "It's to stop the blood, kiddo."

He started chattering with my dad for like an hour and during that time I tried to gather what had happened at the gym. The last thing I remembered was my leg twisting the wrong way and then I blacked out.

Not a very good first outing with Yao, I decided.

"Alright gentlemen you're free to go home." The nurse said, handing my dad a brown paper bag full of pain medication and motioning toward a wheel chair near the door. I averted my gaze toward Yao, who was pushing it toward me and for some reason I got really angry.

"I don't want to be in that." I stated, crossing my bandaged arms. Yao laughed in response and put me in the wheel chair against my will.

I covered my eyes with my hands and started crying. Being high isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Yao just ruffled my hair and started pushing me out of the room, my dad struggling to keep up with his pace and draping his jacket over my head when I tugged on it; I didn't want anyone to see me crying for no reason.

Since I couldn't see anything it felt like two seconds before Yao was lifting me into the back seat of the car and Arthur was on the other side buckling me up. I starting kicking my good leg against the passenger's seat in protest and my crying turned to flat out whining.

They just let me go crazy in the back seat the whole way home, biting at my seat belt and playing with my dad's hair. I think I even tried to throw my glasses out of the window, but to this day I don't know why I had such a tantrum.

"Now you be a good boy Alfred and don't move." Dad said to me as he put me into my bed. The medicine was finally starting to wear off and my head was pounding so I was in too much pain to throw a fit.

He wrapped the blankets around me tightly and kissed my forehead before he turned off my light and left the room. I assumed he wanted me to sleep so I rolled over and closed my eyes only to be woken up by Kiku tapping against the laptop screen that was on my bedside table.

"Alfred?" he asked, sleep still in his slurred speech. I sat up slowly and turned to him, flashing a smile.

The sun was already up in the game and judging by the way the blankets I'd given him that night were scattered across the meadow, he wasn't cold anymore. I brought the laptop into my lap and winced a little when it hit the thigh of my bad leg. This didn't go unnoticed by Kiku.

"What's wrong?" he asked immediately, raising a brow at me and pressing his face against the screen to try and see into my lap. When he saw nothing was wrong he backed away, defeated that the supposed problem was out of his range of vision.

Knew if I told him he would flip a shit and I'd never hear the end of it; "You need to be more careful! Why wasn't your father watching you? _YOU COULD HAVE DIED_, ALFRED."

So, I decided not to tell him. His possible nagging combined with my head ache and the throbbing in my sore muscles would be too much to handle.

"I just had a cramp." I said unconvincingly, the muscle spasm in my casted leg making me grimace because it was so uncomfortable. He gasped lightly when it happened, looking like he was so worried he'd puke.

"_Please_ tell me what's wrong." he asked, his voice demanding. Just 'cause I was still pretty stoned I got scared and felt myself about to cry again. He saw the horror in my eyes and brought his hands to his chest, biting nervously at his lip.

"Oh, Alfred-kun please… don't cry. I didn't mean-" he insisted, standing with his feet pointed inward. He was tearing up his lips so he traded that nervous habit for biting his nails. "I'm just so worried you look like you're in pain and you usually don't cry over things like this…"

I wiped my tears with the edge of my blanket and looked at him with a blank expression. He looked so confused I almost laughed, but that would make it seem like I was having violent mood swings and freak him out even more so I held it in. I moved the laptop and pointed the cam toward my leg, pulling the blanket from my cast so he could see it.

"What happened to you what is that!?" he screeched, pouncing at the screen. I could hear his clawing at it and trying to get through.

"I just broke my leg a little bit."

"I am sure that you cannot break your leg a little bit! How did that happen!? Where were you while I was—Alfred-kun you could have-"

"I know I know I could have died." I finished for him in a mock tone, earning myself a stern look and something of a finger wag in my face. "

"I'm serious what would happen if something serious had occurred and I can't be there to know!?"

Great.

Another complication in our relationship to add to the list.

I shrugged my shoulders for lack of knowledge, but it didn't calm him down at all. In fact he looked enraged and against my will, I started bawling again, only a tiny fraction of him being visible behind my swollen eyeballs and the wall of tears

"What's wrong? Why do you keep crying like this!?"

"I… Don't… know." I spat between heaves, wiping my eyes and dripping snot all over my poor blanket. I closed my eyes in a hopeless effort to fight back the tears, but when I opened them, Kiku was crying too.

"_**I would never know**_." He began, his legs shaking and his hands balling into fists. "You could _die_ and I could spend _forever wondering why you left me_ without knowing that you didn't. I'd be in this game forever missing you and wondering where you'd gone and why! I'd feel betrayed and bitter at the thought of you and be left with the question as to why you left. Why would you leave? Did you finally realize I'm nothing but…"

"B-but I wouldn't_ know _that you'd died because I'm just… I'm just…. I'm" he paused, looking down at his hands.

He looked absolutely broken inside.

I could hear his heart breaking into pieces and see the tears that were to come.

"I'm nothing but a program. I'm nothing. I mean nothing. You are my only purpose, Alfred. You give me meaning… without you I really am nothing but pixels and ones and zero's and programming and – a-and… s-software. _Defective software that can think for himself that doesn't belong_. A glitch of some miracle that made me self aware. I am a _mistake_. I'm not supposed to work like this."

With a groan he dug his nails into the sides of his head and fell to his knees.

"K-K-" I stammered, clutching my blankets to my chest and watching him curl in a little ball.

I'd never seen him in such complete misery, looking up from his fetal position to look at me and crying even more if it were possible. It was all because of me that he felt that way… it was all my fault that the one I love most drove himself crazy night and day just yearning to be with me. It was my fault for refusing o realize the complications of a romance with him and forcing him into it in the first place even though he knew it was a bad idea and would only cause us both pain, and right then I was starting to see it, too.

This outburst wasn't just because of my broken leg. It was something he'd been thinking about for a long time but tried to push away and remain happy. He'd been putting on a show for me that whole time just so I wouldn't have to worry about him. I don't think I've ever had someone care so much about me and I didn't know why.

I was just some scrawny teenager with an obsession for the internet and pc games, and sat alone my whole childhood drawing comic books and dreaming up these extraordinary beings who took the place of real friends. I had a shit family life and was too much for my poor dad to handle.

I was spoiled, selfish, and lazy and all I ever thought about was my comic book characters and how much I wished my dad was a better person when in reality he was just doing the best he could.

I didn't know how much he cared, just because he was bad at showing it. All of that hate for an assumption.

And when Kiku came along he just took my mind off of all of that. Off of my dad, off of comic books, about myself. But he never had anything like me. He was just a game character who always felt alone because he didn't even have a chance to have a family life. He looked at me like I was his savior and worshiped the very ground I walked on and loved me unconditionally and all I ever gave him in return was worry and many a sleepless night.

Pain. Just like he'd predicated at the very beginning of our relationship but I ignored him like the careless little brat I was.

I was causing this poor person more pain than anything else.

For a second, I contemplated letting him go to end the suffering I put him through.

But I realized it would be more effective to let myself go.

"Kiku, listen to me." I said, causing his neck to snap toward the direction of my voice. I couldn't see his eyes because his bangs were in the way. "I need to know what you're thinking."

He didn't tell me.


	13. Chapter 13

Nothing but guilt surged through my body at the realization I made Alfred miserable. I took this ordinary boy and pulled him into my world and gave him no other option but to stay with me.

When he asked me the question of what I was thinking, I did not answer, but it was because I had no answer to give and not that I was ignoring him. He could detect this.

It was so strange to see such innocent eyes be graced with an all-knowing disposition. It was eerie and troublesome to know that I couldn't read him like I normally could, but it filled my aching body with urgency. I tried to stop crying but failed, and stood dizzily only to fall right back down.

He giggled a little bit, but it was hopeless and not at all like it normally was. I wasn't sure what he was thinking but I knew it was dangerous and I would have to pry it from him for his own safety.

"Why don't you answer this?" I said, my voice as steady as I could possibly make it with my sinus cavity on fire and my vocal chords feeling as though they'd just been ripped out of me. I wiped my eyes and stopped my tears for long enough to look him in the eyes. "What are you thinking, Alfred-kun?"

He said nothing in response for a long while, just falling limp in his bed and staring at something behind me aimlessly.

"I'm thinking I don't want to drag you along like this anymore."

His tone was dead and lifeless and it sent me spiraling downward mentally. Was he…giving up on me? What did he mean by dragging me along!? Did he think he was inconveniencing me somehow? No, that's ridiculous what better did I have to do? Have small talk with the faceless beings and watch the people in the nearby village go about their tasks the same exact way every day?

I did try to talk to one of the townspeople once, but their dialogue began to repeat and I gave up on _that _conversation.

"Are you… breaking up with me?" I asked, the ringing in my ears making it difficult to hear what I'd just said. It couldn't be true. He couldn't be doing that to me; never in a million years would Alfred Jones ever bring me any harm. He was the only person I could trust with my total safety and he cared about me more than I'd ever experienced before.

But I doubted my confidence in those thoughts because I asked the question. Something compelled me to, which meant that deep down inside, I had my doubts.

Alfred remained silent and it did not help diminish those doubts.

I felt like I was going to die right then and there.

How could he be breaking up with me!?

It wasn't happening at all, it had to be some sort of strange dream and when I woke up and came to my senses he would be right there waiting for me again with that adorable goofy grin plastered to his cute puffy face and he would be totally unharmed with nothing that resembled a cast over any of his body parts and he'd be my perfect lover just like he had been for so long then.

"Calm down, baby." He said suddenly, which made me notice I was hyperventilating and shaking so badly I could faint. He remained cool and collected despite this. It was my worst nightmare realized; I couldn't see any concern in those vibrant blue eyes. I couldn't see any warmth on his lips and I couldn't hear the gentle beating of his heart… even with a screen between us I could only detect his coldness.

His stoic expression was driving me insane. Aren't I supposed to be the one who lacks emotion!? It's like waking one morning to see everything flipped upside down or… seeing an animal in a business suit fighting off a rapid human. It just wasn't natural…

"I'm not leaving you."

"B-b-b-but you're breaking up with me and that's just as bad!" I screamed, stepping away from the screen with wide eyes, but falling backward because I was unable to maintain my balance.

"I'm not breaking up with you."

"Then why are you being so grim and- and-"I choked out, clutching my throat, the dryness of it making me sting. There was a tingling sensation flowing through my limbs that made me numb within seconds. I looked up at Alfred and finally saw the concern I so yearned for, like a weight being lifted from my shoulders. I looked up and made eye contact with him, finding myself searching for any hint of emotion they could harbor.

" I'm just telling you how I feel… I'm dragging you along-"

"No you're being ridiculous and you're trying to frighten me and you're trying to kill me off because you don't love me anymore." I spat out in one long breath, unable to stop my frantic breathing pattern because the feeling of my world crashing down around me was too prominent and persistent. I felt the ground shake practically, the beauty of the meadow now meaningless to me and the fact that it was morning made it no longer desirable. I just wanted to go back to the previous night and be under that makeshift tent with Alfred as he sung to me… if I could hear him sing to me I would have surely calmed myself. Those eyes just piercing right through me and making me feel small again wasn't normal!

Looking back on it, of course I was _exaggerating_ Alfred's lack of care for me, but at the time it was worse than any nightmare or any size of a mob of noberu that the game could throw at me and I genuinely thought he could have made the decision to throw me away and it made me feel helpless. Should Alfred had decided to toss my game and never think about my game again I could do nothing to stop him and I would be all alone in that chip feeling broken inside.

It made me doubt the significance of my recurring dreams about being a human and having a family with a father and a mother and siblings and doubt the feeling of real sunlight and a real authentic breeze flowing through my hair whish wasn't composed of pixels because the main reason I thought they had any meaning behind them in the first place was because the idea of being human… it was so desirable to me. If I would have been human then I could be with Alfred and that was all I wanted. If having had a family meant that I could be a human and be with Alfred then I would do anything in my power to make it happen!

But Alfred was doubting his romantic feelings toward me and it made me question just how "real" that life I kept dreaming about was.

"Why would you ever think I didn't love you!? I love you so much I'm willing to let you go."

"**AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THANKFUL FOR THAT!?** If you truly loved me you wouldn't ever even for one moment consider letting me go! You have such a strange delusion of love! If you let me go you'll prove just the opposite of what you say! You'll make me feel like you hate me and that you felt no love for me in the first place!" I screamed, clenching my teeth together tightly to stop myself from saying anything I would regret. I said what was necessary and I hoped to everything that my message had gotten through to him.

"It's so frustrating though! I'm driving you crazy!" finally I could see the emotion my lover was plagued with. He took off his glasses and buried his face into his hands, tears streaming down his wrists and arms.

"As though I had sanity to lose."

" But you do! You're a real person, Kiku-" I couldn't let him bring that back up! As rude as it felt to cut him off in the middle of speaking, I was getting angry and bitter at the thought of those stupid dreams and those stupid imaginary parents I made up from grief of not being a real human.

"But you don't know that! There is no record that I ever existed in your world as a real person! I only feel real because of _you_ and _your_ love, Alfred-kun."

"But what about your dreams? What about that boy in the pond? If you're so pointless as you say you are then why are we able to be together in your dreams and how could you have just created this whole back story if you've never been to a beach or swam in a pond? I _saw _how scared you were when you saw that kid, Kiku, there's no way you could fake that kind of fear. I have felt you, and I have seen you and you're just real okay!? I have never doubted that you're a person ever since that day so why are you!?"

"You're a child, Alfred, it's simple for you to believe such a preposterous thing-"

"LOOK, JUST BECAUSE YOUR BODY AGED **DOESN'T** MEAN YOUR MIND DID. YOU'RE NOT MUCH OLDER THAN I AM AND YOU KNOW IT." Alfred truly believed it, I could feel it. What was previously a blank page was now overflowing with words and I could read them all. His face was so heated and his eyes were filled with flames as he spoke to me, bringing back that feeling of being small under his gaze. "Your dreams are just as real as I am! There's no logical reason as to why you'd make that up or how you could! _**YOU. ARE. HUMAN**_. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT YOU SAY FROM HERE ON OUT BECAUSE IT'S THE TRUTH."

I closed my mouth and let his words sink in.

Maybe I am a human. Suppose my dreams are true and all of that really happened? Suppose that boy in the pond was me… it still left so many questions unanswered!

"I never want to hear you say you're just a program again. If you say that I don't love you anymore I'll put you in a frilly pink kimono and make you walk around through that village in it." He began saying, opening up a new window on his computer and scrolling through pages, rapidly clicking at his keys. I wished he were wearing his glasses so I could see the reflection of what he was looking at. "If you ever think I'm gonna leave you, I'll bring this laptop in the bathroom with me when I shower-"

"How is that a punishment?"

"Dude," Alfred groaned his cheeks turning red. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say at least?" he asked, wiping some sweat from his forehead.

"Yes." I responded, smiling for the first time since the argument began and wiping the tears from my eyes.

"Good." he stated, typing more rapidly than ever. Silence came and went and we chatted occasionally, but he would not tell me what he was looking at.

My mind drifted back to those dreams I was having, and I remembered the one I had while Alfred was gone breaking his leg like a… hooligan.

"What are you thinking." he asked that dreaded question, minimizing the screen he was on. I had nothing I wanted to share verbally, but it was clear he wasn't going to give up because he had that look on his face.

"I-I'm considering … and there's something I need to-… never mind."

"OH GOD DON'T YOU NEVERMIND ME-" he was so irritated that he rolled his eyes and threw his head back against his bed, crossing his arms and tapping his fingertips against his elbow as he waited for me to elaborate and share what I tried to keep.

"I had another dream."

"Tell me about it, baby. I want to hear everything. Don't ever keep things from me again."

_No thank you I'd prefer to keep this to myself. _

"Does everyone in America always share everything with their significant other?"

"Yes. Everything. Tell me what you dreamt of, Keeks."

With a nod , I took a moment to recollect my dreamscape and explained it to him word for word.

It probably took a solid thirty minutes before I realized I was back in the forest I was in before.

I stood among the dark trees that seemed to fall limp and downward like spikes on the ground, and it was hard to step past the because there were so many I could smell nothing but damp foliage, although I don't know for sure that the scent coming by me was what I described it to be, because I'd never smelled a damp forest before.

I wallowed through the dead trees for a few minutes before a manmade path appeared and led me to that same pond from months before. I was so hesitant on entering the circle with the pond, but I gathered my courage and walked over there, in the back of my mind hoping that Alfred had decided to take a nap and was coming to my company. I looked down, but all I saw was my reflection.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead and sat down in front of the pond, feeling light headed even though I was relieved that there were indeed no corpses in this tiny body of water. The water was warm, and I stuck my hands into it and waved them around until some fish were stirred from the bottom of the trench and came to meet me. With a smile I muttered absently to the fish and tried to pick one up.

I laid my head back onto the forest floor and stared up at the canopy of trees above, seeing birds perched up on the high branches and a sloth sleeping on one of the trees. I wondered why I was there is the dream had nothing to reveal to me, but halfway through that though I heard a crashing noise and shot up from my spot ready to defend myself from whatever caused it.

However, all I saw was a path that wasn't there before. I stood up and walked through it with my guard still very much up.

As I traveled through the damp and humid string of trees and ducked over protruding branches, swatting away insects wanting to eat my skin and blood, I started to see the forest fade away. Not the sort of virtual fading I was used to, either. I quickened my pace before long there were only one or two trees in my sight.

I stopped when I saw a large gate in front of me and woke up.

Alfred was beaming with an "I told you so" look on his face by the time I'd told him about my dream, but I was bemused with that reaction. I woke up just before I got a chance to see past the fence leaving me with billions of wonders and worries and on top of the stress I was already burdened with from Alfred's previous actions my mind was just exhausting. It didn't make me too happy to Alfred smiling and swelling with pride.

"And what about that makes you think you're not real? How would you know what a graveyard is if you haven't seen one before? There isn't one in the game. The game doesn't have any animals in it either."

"But that doesn't-" I stopped myself. I was too exhausted mentally to put up a good argument.

"Maybe when you get tired again, I can sleep at the same time and I'll be there with you so I can see it for myself?"

"It seems like an idea."

**...**

Kiku left from my vision 'cause he said he was going to climb trees and stuff so I let him wander off, too enamored with my new mission to worry about him. So Kiku found it so hard to believe that he was a real human? I could fix that.

I believed with everything I had in me that he was human, so I started a search to find a birth record for a Kiku Honda. I mean, how hard could it have been to find a Kiku that was a boy with the last name of a car company that died as a toddler?

But then something disturbing occurred to me; was my game seriously based off of a dead kid?

I went through my internet history and abandoned my search of a birth record momentarily to go back to the fansite for the gaming company. When I saw the page I scrolled over to the list of games and looked under "c" for Chrysanthemum Crusade, but for some reason, it wasn't there.

I shrugged at that 'cause they do Site Updates pretty frequently and CC was made a while back, so I went and punched the name in good ole google.

"_No match found for Chrysanthemum Crusade_"

**A/N: I'd like to give you all who enjoy this story, and the reviewing is a plus too! ; u ; It means a lot to me since it's the longest fanfiction I've ever written and it's the first one I didn't lose inspiration for and just walk away from. I'm sorry if that last chapter was difficult to read but omg if you knew me you'd have no troubles believing there'd be a happy ending. I almost **_**always**_** give my stories happy endings. /jazzhands And also thank you for suffering through my constant changing of point of views, tenses, and writing style. I'm sorta using this as a way to help me grow as a writer and I've been trying new techniques throughout the story! **

**I got the plot for it because almost all of my close friendships and my first romance was through the internet, and America and Japan are two countries obsessed with electronics and games and computers and the like and it's also **_**THE OTP**_** so I though whY NOT **

**Anyways, I hope you'll continue to enjoy it and sorry for this long ass author's note. - Belle**


	14. Chapter 14

All day and all night, I was up on my computer looking for any traces of my beloved game that had brought me my soul mate. But no matter where I was, what search engine I was using, or even when I called the gaming company that supposedly produced CC, I could never find it. And not only did I not find traces of the game, but I found no birth records either. The only thing that came up when I typed his name one was a bunch of pages in Japanese telling me how to grow flowers.

So eventually, I gave up.

Not forever, just for the time being. I would never give up on something that important to me!

I didn't know why the game didn't exist anywhere but in my computer, and I didn't know why I couldn't find any birth records, but I decided not to question it in the longer run. If anything, I should be eternally grateful that I am the only person in the whole world with a Kiku. I should enjoy my time with him no matter what and never let anything come in the way of that.

So, for three straight years, I somehow managed to do exactly that. I took that game everywhere with me; downloading it on my phone and bringing it with me everywhere I went, even on our summer vacation that my dad took me on to visit my grandparents in England.

We were so much closer after that stupid argument that after a while, I recalled the yelling, the crying, and the stomach knotting quite fondly.

Yao became an important parental figure in my life, and sometimes he stayed the night just to look after dad. He convinced him to stop smoking and drinking too, and to exercise more, as well as me (only he also made me take a couple of tap dancing classes to learn a thing or two about balance and being better on my feet so I didn't break a bone every time I tried to run). Within two years, I was the healthiest I had ever been- muscles and everything!

Kiku was really happy that he didn't have to worry about me starving or breaking in half every time I took a step anymore, and that my dad said he'd never hit me again. He mellowed out a considerable amount with age, and eventually was able to sleep without me talking to him the whole time and was okay with closing the lap top when we went to bed (cause we would be together in our dreams anyways).

After three years, I was sixteen and Kiku's body was about twenty two. I no longer felt awkward about him being so much older than me- in fact, I enjoyed bragging about my hot college-aged boyfriend to the two friends I managed to make and to whatever poor girl wanted to hit on gay ole me (which was so much more than I expected after I got muscles and got in shape; huge boost of self confidence!).

Even my comics were a huge success on the internet- so successful in fact that my dad and Yao said by the time I was done with taking my high school classes, they'd pull the together the money to get me published.

I was growing up, so I decided my relationship with Kiku was ready for a better and deeper stage.

After I got out of the shower one night, I pulled my laptop up onto my lap as I sat in bed with my surprise, watching as Kiku hopelessly tried to guess what in my cupped palms.

"Is it a toy?" he asked, his voice at its peak of richness, so deep that it could soothe the savage beast yet still playful enough to hole a cute child-like quality. "Or a candy?"

"It's a candy, but it's an important candy." I said, unable to keep myself from being a little bit nervous and giddy. I mean it's not like I had even the slightest chance of being rejected, but still.. I didn't want to sound like some prepubescent dork when I popped the question! (granted I should have thought about that when I decided to get it from a convenience store for a quarter).

"I don't know a lot about candies, Alfie-chan. Just the ones that you eat." Kiku said, sitting with his legs crossed and running his finger tips over a bright blue flower. "The bars you eat are too big to fit into your hands like that." He observed, raising a brow coolly and he glanced at my hands. "You're blushing." he added, drawing his attention to my flushed face and smiling softly. "I give up. What is it?"

Finally, I pulled my right hand away from my left- which contained the most important piece of candy of all of my sixteen years.

"Will you marry me?"I asked shakily, putting the bright red ring pop in front of the webcam for Kiku to see up close. ONLY THEN did I consider it was a dumb idea- not the wisest person ever.

Kiku looked a little dazed and confused, examining the candy like it was a foreign object and looking into my eyes with confusion.

"What is the candy for?" he asked, and I mentally face palmed that he didn't get how amazingly **CLEVER **and witty my little showcase was.

In case you were wondering, I'm still a dork like this.

Anyways, through his confusion he was totally beating. Setting his flower down and walking to the screen. He pressed his hands against it and smiled warmly up at me, his cheeks turning red.

"Oh, yes! Of course I will marry you. I don't know how you expect that to happen, but you know there's nothing I would rather do!" he finally said, laughing heartily. "Why are you giving me candy? You told me that was for Valentine's day!"

"No- it's a ring!"

"Alfie-chan, it is too large and oddly coloured to be a real diamond! What do you take me for?"

I grunted then and banged the damned thing on the counter top, crackling the hardened sugar away from the bright green plastic band I was presenting to my fiancée. I pulled a marker from my beside counter and coloured the band yellow, holding it back up.

"It's a gold band!"

"Fair enough, sweetie!" he responded, covering his mouth because he was trying to muffle his laughs. I was getting flustered and irritable because he wasn't at all taking me seriously, and he even doubted my desire to be married! I would find a way for sure and **nothing** could stop me!

"You're adorable!" he exclaimed between his laughs. "Give it to me in person tonight, and I'll have a candy for you as well!"

I felt like a big beefy kid pouting over spilt icecream then, turning away with my face on fire from my giggling groom.

But my heart was fluttering. He told me yes.

Like it was the most natural thing in the world.

And that he'd been preparing for that question since the day we met. And I couldn't have dreamt of a more perfect response, even if it came with unwanted laughing and a lack of severity. It's what I had and I don't want anything else.

"I love you, angel." I whispered softly, pressing my lips up against the screen, cracking my eye just to see that Alfred was doing the same.

"I love you too." he whispered back between parted lips, before closing them again as well as his eyes.

When he pulled away from our makeshift embrace, his rubbed some of the sleep away from his face and titled his head to the side cutely.

"Just stay wake for ten more minutes, and then you can go to sleep." I said, my voice still in a very low tone so as not to startle him; he was exhausted from the day's occurrences- being with his friends, exercising, shopping for his father and studying. I loved seeing that sleepiness in his eyes after he had a busy day- and loved seeing him in such a vulnerable state. Whenever Alfred is tired like that, he trusts me to be the last person that tells him goodnight and declares my love for him before he rests his tired brain, trusts me to stay quiet to not scare him, to be with him in darkness… "I just need a few minutes to prepare the candy."

"Okay." he responded, pressing his nose against the screen one more time, and I kissed my end of the screen where the tip of his nose was; over the years, I'd discovered my favourite spots to kiss my lover were his forehead and his nose. With that, he gave me one last sweet little smile before he shut the laptop and left me to my pixilated wonderland.

I started off down the meadow and into the hut we'd acquired; a surprise feature for playing the game all the way to the boss level ten times. I finished rolling the sugary rice flour that I'd attained from the in game markets and packed them tightly into a plastic bag for Alfred to have. I kissed the bag and crawled over to my tatami mat, rolling around beneath my cover before I fell asleep.

We met up in our usual dream spot- in the forest with the nicely paved pathed path, where flowers grew endlessly and the trees covered us from any patch of sunlight our little world may have offered. I saw Alfred sitting quietly by the warm pond, sticking his feet in and kicking them back and forth. The swishing sound of the water made a nice melody with the sounds of the chirping birds up above and all of the other creatures of the wood.

I held to mochi in my arm as I walked over, kneeling down to him and kissing his nose. The warmth shot through my lips and made them numb, making it difficult to speak as I presented my engagement gift to him.

"Koishiteru, Alfred-chan!" I squealed happily, kissing him on the lips quickly and setting the bag into his lap. He giggled cutely and kissed back haphazardly, reaching for my lips again before he gained interest in the mystery item. He fingered the casing, admiring how I had tied it together with a blue chrysanthemum, although his look for admiration quickly faded to worry.

"I don't want to open it up! It's so beautiful. And… it's…" he began, unable to explain himself. He just held the stuffed package to his chest, caressing it like a child. "I love it."

"Alfred-chan, I can always make more. I want you to try it." I insisted, petting his hair before tucking a few stray blonde locks behind his ear. "It's delicious. And we can save the package and the flower."

He'd still gazed at it apprehensively, shifting his gaze between the mocha and I until finally he popped open the bag- but not before putting the flower in my hair. He picked up a piece of the mocha and eyes it carefully before taking a bite out of it, his face lighting up as he chewed.

"It's delicious!"

"I told you so!"

Between mouthfuls of the mocha we covered, me grabbing one as well and nibbling on it absently. I was more happy to watch him than to eat it myself though. I was so happy he enjoyed my gift!

Once he was finished with the candies, he set the wrapping aside and reached into his pocket, sliding the plastic yellow band onto my ring finger. He looked at it silently, totally speechless and in a state of pure euphoria. I kissed his forehead softly, taking the flower out of my hair and wrapping into a tiny circle. I pulled away and mimicked his action, looking with a smile on my face at the ring I had made for him.

"I love you." he whispered, kissing the stem of the flower, plucking a few indigo petals from the blub and scattering them in my hair. I cupped his cheek, pulling him in to a passionate kiss. I rested a hand on his hip and roamed through his mouth, opening my eyes to see him in a dazed state of mind. I pulled away after a while, littering his neck with gentle kisses and listening to his small giggles.

He ran his fingers through my hair and massaged my scalp, as well as my shoulders and back as I continued to kiss him, leaving purple bruises behind on his pink flesh with each movement of my lips.

Eventually we could feel the dream coming to a close, and he sat in my lap and with his cheek resting against my shoulder in relaxation. I rubbed circles into his back to soothe him, feeling himself calm and fall limp in my arms up until the moment he began to fade away.

To think I was originally opposed to the idea of us being wed is just a distant joke now.

I gave him one last kiss on the forehead before I felt no more weight or warmth on me or in my lap, and I stared longingly down at my thighs for a while, then at my ring, enjoying what remained of Alfred that was on my lips by licking them slowly. My heart was heavy as I felt myself waking up too; I wish that moment could have lasted forever.

It was always hard for me when our dreams ended.

For hours after I woke I would lay there, the warmth and the feeling of Alfred in my grasp lingering long after he had left me.

When I woke up to the sun shining through my lonely hut window, I sat up in bed and looked at my ring happily. I examined the highlighter marks, and the little stud of red sugar that remained from when he broke it off to turn the diamond into a band.

"I love you, Alfred. My husband."

**A/N: LONG HIATUS. I wasn't gonna finish this but I love it too much to not. I have it all planned out and no more hiatuses from now until the story is over. I will try my best to update as frequently as I used to. **

**-Belle**


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